Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

Now that I am getting old, I have decided to relive the greatest moments of my childhood. My last post was an ode to the Top Ten Tag Teams (1985-90). This week I will give props to the greatest kid athletes in movies…the ones that inspired, the ones that took their teams from shit to legit, the ones that hit puberty before any other kids in town. This is my Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

*editors note: Only one character per movie, otherwise there would be like seven characters from "The Little Giants" and "The Mighty Ducks". Also, by kids I mean not in high school. No Jimmy Chitwood’s on this list.

10. Jarius “G-Baby” Evans – Hardball
“Kofi say, "You a cheatin' bitch.". No wait. Kofi say, "You a motherf - "”(www.boxofficeprophets.com/ hollis/hardball.asp)

G-Baby may not have been the best athlete, but he got shot and that gives him some major street cred. He was shot on the Chicago South Side. Thank God that doesn’t happen anymore. Right?

9. Mathew/Martha – Lady Bugs
“No, he's not a stranger. He's just strange.”
(www.sportsinmovies.com/ soccer/ladybugs.asp)

What is better than a really good girl soccer player? Nothing. Wrong! A really good boy soccer player, playing in the girl’s league. Mathew or Martha played in the girl’s league for coach Chester Lee (even the character that Dangerfield plays sound creepy). He methodically scored goal after goal dodging awkward yet hilarious situations on his way to getting a period for being a bitch.

8. Jaun Morales – “Big Green”
(www.ultimatedisney.com/ biggreen.html)

The only reason I like this movie is because my 80’s comedy icon is in it…Steve Guttenberg (he rocks hard). However, once the group of misfits gets Morales on their team, they can do no wrong.

7. Gian Piero/Massimo – “Kicking and Screaming”
“Prima la carne, prima la carne.”(http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/kickingandscreaming.html)

Once coach Phil Weston got these two Italian soccer saints, his team could not be stopped. Gian Piero and Massimo weaved through the defense like TTCS writer Phil Barnes weaves his way through traffic on his way to McDonalds…unstoppable.

6. Billy Heywood – “Little Big League”
“If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?”

(www.tvguide.com/movies/ little-big-league/129913)

Technically Heywood never played baseball except on the Little League diamond, but the kid made GMing and coaching look so easy that he must make this list. For many Chicago franchises, making the playoffs is a challenge and Heywood took a cellar Twins team within one sick catch by THE Ken Griffey Jr. from going to the playoffs. Here’s to you Heywood and lets hope Pax takes a page from Heywood's grandfather when he makes his coaching decision.


5. Kelly Leak – “The Bad News Bears” (1976)
“There's nice ass at the field, that's why I always hang around it.”(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/category?blogid=22&cat=546&o=60)

This longhaired-motorcycling badass took some twisting of the arm to play ball, but when he did all he did was drop bomb after bomb…a complete stud.


4. Adam Banks – “The Mighty Ducks”
“Do me a favor. Kick some Hawk butt.”(http://yzak.nu/fan/banks/)

This “cake eater” might have been from some richy rich neighborhood but the kid could play. He was the turtleneck wearing tight-ass that Coach Gordon Bombay needed to make the “flying V” a success. Thank God they rezoned the district!

3. Henry Rowengartner – “Rookie of the Year”
“Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!”
(http://hyspace.progressiveboink.com/rowengartner.jpg)

He might be the most annoying character on this list, but Rowengartner was the man and he pitched for the Cubs. He went from his class loser to Cubs Ace in just eight weeks (his arm had to heal properly). From striking out Bonds to the immaculate floater, Rowengartner had it all. Plus he went on later to become the guy from “American Pie.”

2. Spike – “Little Giants”
“Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?” (http://www.childrenofsalem.com/days/kids/briabrit/littlegiants1.jpg)

Can you say steroids? Spike dominated pee-wee football. Listed at 6-2, 200 (numbers may be off), Spike could tear through anything, except an Ice Box, even though he had already carried one on his back earlier in the movie. Basically Spike is everything I want in a son. If I had Spike’s size I would definitely go back to grade school and beat up the bully that picked on fellow TTCS writer Ricky O’Donnell. Maybe he wouldn’t be so mean.

1. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez – “The Sandlot”
“Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand.”
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/5/9750972_2e6fd4096c.jpg)

Benny destroyed all the kids that he played against in the Sandlot. Nobody could match his speed, power and arm strength. He stole bases without conscience and hit home runs like Ruth. Plus, Benny made the Majors and stole home…sick!

Honorable Mentions
Patrick Renna – The fat redheaded kid in “The Sandlot” and “Big Green”
Ice Box and Junior – “Little Giants”
Goldberg and Charlie Conway – “The Mighty Ducks”