Top Ten odds on what Milton Bradley will do in 2009

The Cubs have signed Milton Bradley to a reported 3-year 30MM deal with some bonus possibilities. The Cubs believe he is the left-handed (technically switch hitter, I know) bat that will solve their playoff offensive woes. I, however, couldn’t disagree more. The Cubs said they were seeking a lefty power bat and, well, Bradley is not that. Bradley is the switch hitting version of Mark DeRosa, which is not bad, but it is not the kind of bat that will draw fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers. In my humble opinion, the Cubs should have gone after Adam Dunn because he is younger, has similar OBP numbers, stays healthy, has a TON more power and has higher production levels. Actually looking at it, like most deep count hitters, both strikeout a ton. The only real difference is the batting average, but personally I will take a 40 HR, 100 RBI (I know, I know) over a guy that hits .300, with decent power and can’t stay healthy. Anyway, here are the ten things that Bradley probably will do in 2009… with odds!!!

10/1: Stays healthy

Bradley is probably best known for tearing his ACL while arguing a call in 2007 as a Padre. However, this isn’t the first time he has been hurt in his nine-year career and probably not the last. Last year a brittle back led to him only playing in 126 games, mostly in the DH role. The most games he has ever played in a season was 141 in 2004. I guess I just don’t see him playing right field everyday and something bad NOT happening.

9/1: Hits over 20 HR

Bradley has hit over 20 HR only once in his career. Much of that has to do with his inability to stay healthy, but prior to last season, when he hit 22, his highest season total was 19 in 2004. I also suspect this will go down from last year simply because he is leaving the home run happy Rangers Park in Arlington.

8/1: Fights a fan

I feel like he is just due for this kind of transgression.

7/1: Bradley comes to fisticuffs with Z

This just seems like it is destined to happen as well.

6/1: Takes P-Kane’s spot as Chicago’s top partier

As I have mentioned before, Kane is the hardest partier in Chicago right now. My brother and I have seen him out on a few occasions absolutely hammered with a different girl on his arm each time. Bradley must make a name for himself and will do it by taking on the 20-year-old in an all night drinkfest, eventually topping the hockey player and taking the top spot in the Chicago party scene.

5/1: Hits over .300

Prior to 2007, Bradley hit .300 or better only once. However, the last two seasons Bradley has reached .300 and even surpassed it by 21 points last year. Hopefully, this trend will stay.

4/1: Hits over 15 HR

I feel this is more obtainable for the injury prone switch hitter. Like I said before, Bradley is not a power hitter by anyone’s definition and moving from a park with a short right field wall to one with a large bell, should make 15+ HR a good season for Bradley.

3/1: OBP over .400

Bradley supporters will point to his high OBP and for the past few seasons they would be right. The former second round pick’s game took off when he became more patient at the plate and it should remain around .400 as a Cub.

2/1: Lou verbally attacks Bradley; Bradley does not take it well

Bradley will definitely do something stupid or disrespectful and it will inevitably lead to a verbal altercation with Lou. Over and over again, Bradley has shown his ego to be bigger than the team and will most likely respond poorly. I predict an overturned table and thrown lunch spread will somehow be involved in this feud.

1/1: Is suspended for at least five games

As a well-known hothead and borderline retard, Bradley will do something to piss off someone. I can’t see him going through his first season in a major city without something going horribly wrong. If he doesn’t get some kind of suspension I, Zach Martin, will step down as Tuesday host here at TTCS. That is a promise.

Edit note: This is my last weekly post here at TTCS. The very talented Danny Sheridan will be taking my weekly Tuesday spot and I will be trying to post as often as I can from here on out. It truly has been wonderful time reading your comments that disagree with me or point out my minor mistakes in my posts. Thanks for everything.

Top Ten Chicago sports New Year resolutions

As the year ends many of us are trying to decide what our New Year resolutions will be. I did some research (take note Woody Paige) and found the worlds top ten New Year resolutions according to goalsguy.com. Each is a solid resolution and, most importantly, should also help some of our Chicago sports stars, GMs and coaches in 2009. Editors warning: there may be a lot of Bob Babich hate.

10. Get Organized

Jerry Angelo, you have a lot of work to do this off-season. You need to decide on your coaching staff (Bob Babich). You need to either draft or trade for a stud wide receiver. You need to sure up your offensive line and decide who on your roster is dispensable. Get your crap together. This off-season will decide the Bears future for the next five years. Figure it out.

9. Volunteer and Help Others

I think this is mandatory for Cedric Benson.

8. Learn Something New

This applies to Bob Babich and Ron Turner. Babich believes in the cover two. Now that is fine in you have the talent and personnel. However, the Bears showed every week that they did not. Unfortunately, Babich did not change his play calls or try to make any sort of real personnel adjustment. Something needs to change.

There really never seemed to be any kind of “whoa, what was that”-type play all season with Turner as the play caller. It was all pretty straight forward. A lot of it has to do with the lack of a playmaker at the wide out position, but a lot has to do with Turner’s rather safe play calling. Open it up a little, find a wide out this off-season and become a decent offense.

6. Quit Smoking

Can this be directed at anyone other than Joakim Noah? Didn’t think so. Hey, Joakim, stop getting high. After years of personal research I have determined that getting high leads to two things; binge eating and staring at things. Unless Noah has some magical reaction to weed that makes him do things like workout and practice low post moves then, Joakim, by all means keep ripping that bong. But if it has the same affect as it does to anyone I know, then lay off the pipe and start actually working towards being a relatively decent NBA center. I mean Aaron Gray is outplaying you. AARON GRAY!?!?!?!?

5. Find My Soul Mate

Kyle Orton has shown he is a decent quarterback considering the tools he has around him. The Bears offense might seriously be a high quality receiver away from being better than average. The Bears front office needs to find Orton’s receiving soul mate this off-season. I mean Forte cannot be their leading receiver again, ever. That’s just sad.

4. Enjoy More Quality Time with Family & Friends

This one is for Bob Babich. He needs to go and the Bears need to allow him to follow this resolution. Let him go, let him enjoy his family more. He wants it. He just won’t say it. Do it for him. He needs your help. Seriously, fire the crap out of him.

3. Debt Reduction

I think this resolution should be designated for the Tribune Co. Good luck with the bankruptcy and stuff.

2. Stick to a Budget

Now bear with me. I am a fan first, thus I think all teams should just spend whatever it takes to win. However, now that we have come into hard times I feel teams need to spend less and watch their budgets to at least make some money. The Bears have followed this recipe for years, while the White Sox are now just heeding this advice as they have dumped about a third of their roster this off-season. Now these teams may not make the playoffs next year, but at least they will make some money. And we all know that is what sports is all about.

Cubs: ignore this resolution.

1. Lose Weight and Get in Better Physical Shape

This firmly applies to Bobby Jenks. Jenks has gotten bigger each year here in Chicago and inversely his fastball has lost some pop. Plus, he has been more prone to injury. He claims he is just trying to “pitch” instead of “throw” and believes he can get it up to 100 MPH whenever he wants. I, however, call BS. Lose some weight you fat tub. That goes for you as well Charlie Weis.

On the flip side, Alexei Ramirez needs to gain weight. He looks like a malnourished African you see on late night TV. Serious, Alexei, eat a sandwich.

What other resolutions should Chicago sports figures adopt in 2009?

Top Ten notes/moments from Bears vs. Packers game

Holy hell. This game was unreal. The Bears were outplayed by the Packers for most of the game, out gained 325 to 210 and still were able to pull through. This was the first game I took notes on every play and I am glad I did. Because this game was literally the end all be all for the Bears and went to overtime, I added an extra five notes/moments to today’s Top Ten list, making it TTCS first Top Fifteen list… kind of.

10. Soft pass D

The Bears were once again vulnerable in the pass game. Aaron Rodgers threw for 260 yards and two TDs. It seems that Babich has not made the proper adjustments and any QB will pick apart the Bears secondary. On a positive note, Corey Graham didn’t suck. In fact, he broke up two deep passes.

9. Squib kick/pooch kick mess

I still do not get this move, especially after the mess it caused in the Falcons game. I know the wind was bad, but the only two times the Bears played it cute on the kickoff, it led to amazing field position for the Packers. One led to a touchdown when an up-man took the squib kick to the forty and the other should have led to the Packers game winning field goal…. Lovie definitely owes Alex Brown a Christmas bonus.

8. Blitz was affective

Recently the Bears have been criticized for blitzing without results. Tonight was different. Even thought the Bears did not sack Rodgers, they still provided pressure on him and the Pack’s running backs that led to incompletion and losses in the run game. I was happy to see the Bears D actually supply the heat necessary to defend their defensive strategy.

7. Good run D

Just as the Bears can’t stop the pass, they continued to show they are solid against the run. The Pack only rushed for 65 yards, averaging 2.2-yards per carry. This also forced Green Bay into the Bears biggest weakness – their pass defense. I love that the Bears make teams one-dimensional on offense, but if they literally cannot stop that dimension, then what is the point?

6. The Mike Brown story

So Brown is hurt again. Surprised? Me either. It is true that Brown is a step slower this year, but he still can lay out a receiver or tailback better than anyone in the NFL, just ask Ryan Grant. Unfortunately, Brown’s backup is Craig Steltz. Now, the former LSU safety may develop into a quality player, but right now he is over his head physically, as we found out when he was run over by Grant leading to Green Bay’s second TD. I hope for the Bears secondary that Brown will be fine for next week.

5. Bears O-line was brutal

As usual the Bear line was overwhelmed. Some of this had to do with the Packers secondary giving the front four time to rush Orton, but a lot of it had to do with poor blocking by the line. Orton had no time in the pocket and it resulted in three sacks and some poor passes by the Bears QB. Furthermore, until the fourth quarter and in overtime the line could not give the Bears running backs any holes to run through. I think this upsets me the most when I watch the Bears. Just do your effing job.

4. Maynard is the man

In terrible conditions, Maynard was awesome. He put three kicks inside the 20 (one was run into the end zone by a Bear’s player) and averaged over 45-yards a punt. His long was 65-yards. I think Maynard is one of the biggest reasons the Bears are usually in almost every game. He puts teams in bad field position with his kicks and is considered one of the best directional kickers of all time. Brad = the man.

3. Daniel Manning is Greek god; Hester just Greek

Pretty much the only reason the Bears won was because of D-Manning’s kick return and defensive play. His 70-yard kickoff return led to the first Bears touchdown and the pressure he got on Rodgers was almost the only heat the Packer QB felt. His tipped ball even led to Rodgers' only pick.

On the other hand, Hester was ok. In his final return and second longest return of the year (23-yards), Hester finally did not hesitate and look for a hole; instead he hit it hard and just let it happen. I hope he will take that into next week and hopefully break out BIG against the Texans.

2. No pressure without blitz

It was very, very sad to watch as Rodgers had all effing day to throw the ball when the Bears only rushed four. A few times Tommie Harris got into to the backfield, but not nearly enough. Even if the Bears do make the playoffs, they will go nowhere if they cannot get pressure on the QB when they drop into a traditional cover two and rush only four. This is the biggest reason they have struggled this year in the pass game and something needs to change. However, they did show some success with stunts late in the game. Maybe the Bears need to use untraditional moves like that or drop a DE and blitz a LB in order to change it up a bit and confuse the QB.

1. Alex Brown’s white-gloved hand

Brown is probably one of the most versatile DEs in the league. He is good in all aspects of the game and his huge handedness has now become his best trait as he saved the Bears season by blocking Mason Crosby’s 38-yard field goal attempt. PS he also had an interception and two tackles. I think Mark Anderson has officially given up.

Top Five Overtime Moments
5. Urlacher’s helmet saves Bears season
4. Horse collar rule is sweet
3. AJ Hawk falls down and reminds us why OSU is a terrible place
2. Forte holds onto the ball
1. Robbie Gould puts it away

Also, as I have promised here is the best comment making fun of me from my post last week by TTCS’s own Ricky O’Donnell:

The #1 moment of this party will be when Pete shows up. First, there will be a cordial greeting between he and Dubs, everything will be running smooth. But after a few Ginger Ale w/ cherry juice's, Dubs starts to get mouthy, as always, and begins to make fun of Pete for his incredibly lame AIM screen name (peaches054?).

After five minutes of sitting on his anger, Pete tells Dubs he will "straighten his head out", and Dubs, never one to back down from a fight against a guy approximately eleven times his size, agrees. The ensuing one sided slug fest leaves Dubs a bloody mess on the ground, and right before he passes we hear him say, "my....my...my...trust funnnndddddddddd."

/end scene

Thanks, buddy!

Top Ten TTCS Holiday party moments

Yesterday Barnes mentioned that the city of Chicago deserves “a TTCS-hosted party.” I couldn’t agree more. Not unlike what the Joker said in The Dark Knight, this town deserves a better class of Chicago based blog hosted holiday party... and TTCS’s gonna give it to them. The following will be the best moments from this party.

10. Location, Location, Location

Before we get into the moments, we need a place to party. Since TTCS is all about the class, we will need a place that represents this and the fact we are young, up and coming sports writers. Thinking about it, we are a lot like the Blackhawks. Therefore, we shall hold this wonderful event at the United Center. I got my first taste of the finer dining experience of the Ketel One Club and the lovely bartenders at Bar One a few weeks back. It is the perfect mix of high-end luxury that represents none of us, but is expected of one of the top 100 Chicago lists blogs on the web.

9. Danny invites sister and her friends; professional athletes win

When Danny first told me he had a sister, I was expecting her to be like him – nice, humble, alcohol free and really tall. However, when he told me she was the opposite, liked to booze and had hot friends, I new this could only lead to great thing... not for me, but for the proud sports athletes of Chicago. Now, since TTCS is so well respected, we must assume professional athletes will be there. The combination of sports stars and drunken girls has been the formula for most of America’s greatest “next day stories.” Below is one about Jordan.



I must assume this will continue. Sorry, Danny.

8. Freddy Church’s revenge

I don’t even want to venture a guess at what this will be. Whatever it is, it will be scary and deeply disturbing. I fear for the children.

7. Barnes gets sick, falls asleep, goes home

Phil seems to be sick a lot. I have a feeling that this will happen on the biggest night of the year for TTCS. I picture him drinking a gallon of NyQuil, nodding off after dinner in a booth and then asking his lady to drive him home. This may be a drastic exaggeration, but I feel like Barnes will come down with something at the most inopportune moment for him and TTCS.

6. Ricky passes out; gets messed with

There is a running trend when Ricky passes out around his friends. They either draw on him, shave him or get his things stolen by homeless men. Now that Ricky doesn’t have Sun-times shifts on the weekends, one must assume he will feel free to make it rain at the TTCS holiday part. I see Ricky double fisting bottles of Jack as he drops dollar bills on whatever lady happens to be walking by him, while he dances shirtless on top of the bar a la Kyle Orton. Once the Jack has run its course, he will pass out and then his friends will take over. Razor blades and Sharpe pens will be fast at work turning Ricky into a mustachioed, eyebrowless monstrosity. Also, they will somehow get a man off the street to rob Ricky as he lays passed out in the middle of the Hawks logo at center ice. Happy Holidays, Ricky!

5. Phillips gets Pax’s ear

I am not sure if Phillips will absolutely go off on Pax, try to explain to him who the next sleeper is in next years draft or challenge him to a three-point shooting contest, but I know it will be entertaining. I predict all three. First, he will yell at him for the disaster that have become the Bulls, then he will find some obscure MAC small forward that he is convinced will be the next Leandro Barbosa and finally he will take the former NBA three point stud to the court and start launching threes. Pax will win but not before Phillips builds a house with bricks. Ricky may also join as “all [he] does is launch threes.”

4. Kenny Williams comes dressed as Santa

The last couple months Williams has been in a giving mood. He has pretty much dropped a third of his team for next to nothing. As Christmas draws near, Kenny gets a little more of that spirit and just gives away Jermaine Dye and his pitching staff for Ken Griffey Jr. and the rest of the 1997 Seattle Mariners.

3. P-Kane ends up being the life of the party

The “Chicago’s greatest partier” torch is being passed. Orton has officially become a homebody. He has gotten married like a good QB and has even been the figurehead for a going green campaign. Robbie Gould and Chris Duhon have held the title for a little while, but have lost it in recent months. Well, Chicago, we have a new party legend and he is P-Kane. I have seen him around town a few times now and every time he is drunk out of his mind and with a new girl. He is literally that guy at the bar that makes you lean over to your friend and say, “whoa, that guy is effing drunk” as you spill a drink on yourself. I predict P-Kane will take full advantage of the Ketel One Club bar and end up leaving with a woman twice his age (38).

2. Ced Ben gets zamboni related DUI

A true NFL star does not learn his lesson. He continues to do stupid crap off the field until someone is forced to actually put that person in jail (see Plaxico Burress). I think Ced is ready to make the “Pacman” Jones-type leap into superstardom. The first step will be to get him drunk. Now, I have never intentionally gotten a guy drunk, but I feel like I have had the proper training to get this done. I will start him out slow with a Bud Light, but quickly move him into Jaeger bombs. From there he is a zamboni key set away from making it his third driving inebriated related arrest in under six months. Now Ced will officially be available to do a driversselect.com commercial with Deion Sanders.



1. Olsen gets back at Giangreco

In the first month of TTCS, we had our first radio nod. It was on the Waddle & Silvy show on ESPN1000. Their guest was Mark Giangreco and he completely bashed Olsen’s top ten list that day. When we heard his bashing, we vowed to make him enemy number one. Since that day Olsen has been biding his time, waiting for the right opportunity. The TTCS party is the perfect time for revenge. Olsen will get a hold of Giangreco’s drink. That will be the last time we will see the sports anchor for the night, as he will be spending the rest of the night in the restroom, feeling every little bit of Olsen’s calculated revenge.

Edit note: Since I have no self-awareness I didn’t make fun of myself. I need you, fine commenter, to make fun of me in the comment section. Go at it, be brutal, wreck me. What stupid thing will I do to make the party that much better (or worse). The best comment will be highlighted in my post next week. Do work.

Top Ten good, bad and Burish moments from the weekend

Lets break down this wonderful Thanksgiving weekend by the most obvious and overused way: The Good. The Bad. And The Burish.

Good

4. Illini find a way for tourney title; I am very confused

So the Illini basketball team went to a small island in Texas to play mediocre teams and sneaked by them. I still can’t see the Illini competing for the Big Ten this year, but starting 6-0 may give them a leg up in an at large bid for the tourney. Maybe.

3. Bulls rally in finale; don’t totally suck

2. This move by Rose



1. Stacey King’s reaction to above video

I have always said that King has the vernacular of a drug dealer. I think that is still apparent, however I now kind of like him. He seemed like a kid in a candy store when Rose crossed over Miller and was legitimately excited by it. Maybe it is because he is still relatively new to broadcasting and doesn’t have that “I have seen it all”-ness about him yet that makes me hate 90% of all broadcasters. Whatever it is, I am now a King fan. A piece of me just died.

Bad

4. BLACKHAWKS: Offense finishes road trip off-course; yes, Chicago still has hockey team

So the Hawks went 6-3-3 in November, but finished off the circus trip with a 0-2-1 record in their last three games. It seems that they just tired towards the end of the circus trip and will enjoy three out of their four next games at home. Look for the Hawks to rebound a bit now that they are back home.

3. Cubs face dilemma on arbitration front; Hendry: why won’t Wood just “go away”

So, the Cubs have a very interesting decision to make by 11 PM tonight -- offer Wood arbitration and risk him agreeing to it (probably about 10MM) OR don't and lose two compensation picks. Wood has made it very clear he wants to play for the Cubs for the rest of his career and it is likely he would take the one year arbitration deal. If the Cubs do offer it and he does, Chicago would lose the money intended for a left handed power bat. Tough call, I guess.

2. Let the Irish dissection begin; large amounts of “cheese” and “various meats” found in Weis’ abdomen

1. Gutsy call to Berrian planted 'a dagger' in Bears' chest; Bear gets up, looks on dubiously and then dies

Purple Jesus is awesome and the Vikes finally looked like the team everyone thought they would be at the beginning of the season. I guess we finally know who the Bears are -- a team that can't beat good teams, but is still not terrible. The game was just lame. I rather not talk about it anymore.

Burish

2. We finally learned who is the biggest prankster on the Hawks.... Hint: it's not P-Kane

1. How about a quick Burish fight from a couple weeks ago…

Top Ten Chicago sports goodbyes – 2008

This past season has been a glorious year of firings and teams deciding to go in “other directions.” In 2008, Chicago has seen an everyman, a fiery coach, a sex icon and a complete ass all leave, lose or get fired from their respected jobs. Let us honor our fallen brethren and solute the top ten Chicago sports goodbyes in this great year of two thousand and eight. But first a serious note...

10. Kevin Foster/ Geremi Gonzalez

When I was about 10 I had a pitching instructor named Martin. Martin would always make fun of me for having a name with two first names – Zach and Martin. I disagreed, making sure he knew he was the weirdo with two last names. Martin also was a friend of Kevin Foster. He showed me a little trick that Foster taught him and I use it to this day to increase the break and spin of a breaking ball. He taught me to place the ball in-between my thumb and my middle finger, then snap. It took some practice, but it worked.

Foster always seemed to be a nice guy, posting decent numbers in five years with the Cubs. The Evanston, IL native died of renal cell carcinoma after a six-month battle with the disease. He was only 39.

Gonzalez had a different ending to his rather short life. The 33-year-old died of a lightning strike on his boat in Venezuela. The strike hit a large chain he was wearing around his neck. Gonzalez pitched two years with the Cubs, even finishing ninth in the 1997 Rookie-of-the-Year voting.

9. Muhsin Muhammad

“Moose” was a very average player in Chicago. The Bears signed him to a large contract, especially for an aging wide receiver, and made him the man. He did ok, but was better known for dropping big passes in key situations. To add to that fire, Moose decided to open his jaws and spew some hate in the Bears direction this season prior to playing Chicago on Sept. 14:

“(Chicago) is where receivers go to die.”

As true as this may be (not sure considering how much Berrian made this offseason), Moose just needed to keep his mouth shut. The fans didn’t really hate Moose, we just thought he was old and needed to go away. I mean old people drop stuff, right? I’m looking at you grandma. Now his time in Chicago will be tarnished forever.

8. Ben Wallace

When I first heard this might happen I was an intern at 670 The Score. The program engineer on the show I worked for, Cy, was so hyped by this potential signing that it got me genuinely excited about Wallace too. Wallace was going to be a team leader, a reliable defender and rebounder and give the Bulls that extra fro-ness that brings championships to an up-and-coming franchise. Basically, he was supposed to piss wins. I thought, nay, knew Wallace was the missing ingredient in a championship pie (or at least a second round playoff birth pie). Unfortunately, the opposite happened. Wallace turned out to be a whiny distraction in the locker room, a black hole on offense and seemed to be extremely mediocre on defense. However, in the end it appears that he wasn’t all that bad considering we now have Larry “Bricks” Hughes in his stead. (If anyone dares to mention his shot last night I will NOT be happy).

7. Nick Swisher

I enjoyed Swisher’s short stay in Chicago. But then again I am a Cubs fan. Swish did things that made the Sox look kind of lame. With his guidance, the Sox had pink facial hair, a blowup doll scandal and made Paul Konerko’s batting average seem decent. I will always hold Swish in a special Money Ball-place in my heart, right next to the part that hates Woody Paige and Bill Plaschke (not the men, but their written words). Farewell brave prince of OBP, I know I will miss you.

6. Bernard Berrian

I don’t really have anything to say about Berrian. He left for more money than the Bears wanted to pay him (and rightfully so). The only part of this equation that seems to be getting screwed are the Vikings. But then again, Berrian is playing pretty well, considering his QB, so, again, I’ve got nothing.

5. Brendan Ayanbadejo

Can one man, blocking, on special teams really make that big of a difference? It kind of seems that way. Ayanbadejo was a special teams king, making the Pro Bowl last year and absolutely destroying returners on kickoffs. Without Ayanbadejo, Hester has lost his groove, even loosing his kickoff return duties this past week. I am not sure if the two correlate, but it can’t help, right?

4. Rex Grossman

Unlike the rest of the departed on the list, Grossman is still with his team, he just lost his job. I want to, but I can’t get upset with Grossman. He’s like your lovable, pudgy-faced younger brother who always tries his best, but just cannot keep up with you and your friends… because he is retarded. That is Rex Grossman in a misshapen nutshell.

3. Scott Skiles

If you want a short, angry, Napoleonic, balding, in-your-face-type head coach, Skiles is definitely your man (especially the balding part). I liked Skiles’ message early on, but it became clear that as the Bulls aged, they would no longer tolerate his my-way-or-the-highway approach to coaching. So, like the Tim Floyd’s before him, he got tossed aside, like a roach out of Joakim Noah’s car window.

2. Kerry Wood

This is pretty sad. Sox fans have kind of been jerks about this too, but Wood has not only represented the North-side, but all of Chicago for ten years. In fact, he was the only player on either Chicago baseball team that was on either roster for all real Cubs/Sox games since 1998. Wood is an “everyman” that basically played for a blank check this past year. He wanted so bad to come back to the Cubs, that he even tried to get the Cubs to sign him for one more year. Unfortunately, the Cubs could not afford him and have moved on without him. I promise to pour one out every time I have an Old Style next season in Wood’s honor.

1. Jay Mariotti

This may be the greatest departure in Chicago literature ever. Not just sports “journalism,” but all writing-styles, in all fields, ever, in Chicago. That’s right, ever, in Chicago. I thought Skip Bayless would hold this honorary award forever, but I am proven wrong, once again. Mariotti’s forced contrarianism troubled many athletes, coaches, readers and fellow sports journalists alike. This was further aggravated by Mariotti’s refusal to enter locker rooms (out of fear), often insinuating things that only writers privy to locker room banter would fully comprehend.

His antics led to some memorable and, quite frankly (with SAS) funny moments. The first came when he came running from the Bulls locker room screaming, “keep them away from me,” another when he asked for personal security guards at a Cubs game to keep him safe from fellow writers, another when he misquoted Rex Grossman, bashing him relentlessly based on said quote, yet another was when he claimed AJ was a clubhouse cancer, without ever stepping foot in it and finally, his constant and bizarre battle with Ozzie.

In a very real way, Mariotti was one of the first American bloggers – a true pioneer. But not the good kind of pioneer we all learned about in grade school, but the bad kind of pioneer – the kind of pioneer that slaughtered Native Americans – that we learned about in high school, ruining Thanksgiving and our childhoods forever.

Honorable Mention – Mike North (but he’s back), Denis Savard (but he has a fake position)

If I have forgotten somebody worth mentioning, please let me know in the comment section.

Top Ten Chicago stories of the week

Here are the best stories from the past seven days, with a twist, of course. I stole this idea from here and already did it once here. Enjoy. Oh, and here's a picture of a NFL cheerleader. Yay!!!

10. Cubs to play at new Yankee Stadium; MLB "feels bad" for Cubs, throws them “a bone”

MLB just announced that the Cubs will play two exhibition games against the Yankees on April 3 and 4, the first games of any kind there. As crappy as I heard the old stadium was, this one is supposed to be luxurious, but ridiculously expensive. I don’t know if this is that big a deal for the Cubs, but it will provide the opportunity for some rich dudes to throw hundreds, and in some cases thousands, of dollars to enjoy a game that won’t even count.

9. Sox target Viciendo; Cuban Day Parade relocated to Chicago

I am not clear on the readiness of the “19-year-old”, but he is already being called the Babe Ruth of Cuba. Scouts are saying there is no reason why he won’t hit 30-40 HR in the major leagues. The Sox already have like 800 Cuban players on their team (ok two), which should be a big draw for Viciendo. If this works out Kenny Williams will of course be praised, even though he left his team without a plan or a third basemen before Viciendo defected. He is what I consider a “lucky GM."

8. Kerry Wood not coming back; White Sox fans oddly giddy

I grew up watching Wood and he has been the one stable force on the Cubs. When the Blauser’s and Alfonseca’s of the world came to and left Chicago, Wood stayed. He pretty much defined the heartbroken franchise – great promise and hope, only to rot in a pile of torn labrums, rotator cuffs and UCLs. It is sad to see him go and I hope he finds championship somewhere else.

7. Mark Cuban in trouble with SEC; Cubs fans' dreams shattered… again

6. Cubs trade for Gregg; tell Wood to “get the eff off my porch”

Gregg is cheap and keeps the Cubs bullpen decent, at least. He has closing experience and would be a simple fill in if Marmol struggles in the role. He is more of a Bob Howry-type (before Bob Howry sucked) than a Wood, who could be dominant at times. This is definitely a downgrade at the position, but it still keeps them above average. Lets hope Hart or Guzman come to form.

5. Northwestern beats Michigan, at football; hell freezes over, I presume

4. White Sox trade Swisher; razor blade sales skyrocket in 10451 ZIP code

Can this be anything other than a salary dump? The Yanks gave up nada (that's Spanish for nothing). Can Swish really have another season like he did this year? I would have to think not. I am a bit confused by this move, but hey, somehow it's going to work because Kenny Williams craps gold.

3. Dempster re-signs; Red Beard no longer living “pirate’s life”

So apparently I called it. Dempster signed a four-year 52MM deal with the Cubs. Prior to signing this contract, Dempster was seeking a 5-year, 75MM deal, which was insane. The Cubs moved onto Peavy and Dempster changed his tune. This is officially now a good sign and something that I can support. Also, I was right about the Cubs going after Furcal.

2. Bulls to go on ‘circus trip’; new stunt in works called “the Rose”

This means bad things for the Bulls. Since Jordan departed, the Bulls are a combined 6-53 after last nights loss to Lakers. The best run they had on the trip was 3-3. The circus needs to stop coming to Chicago. I mean, who really goes to those things anyway? Nobody I know and that's all that really matters. And if you have been to the circus in Chicago, you are supporting terribly played basketball, enslavement of animals and dead baby jokes.

1. Bears lose bad; Green Bay does its best “Pack-face”

Top Ten terrible Chicago sports things from the weekend

By Zach
This was an awful weekend in Chicago sports. Besides the Hawks, who seem to be irrelevant to most of Chicago, all pertinent teams (not you Chicago Fire) lost in poor fashion. Here are the ten worst things from one of the lamest weekends in recent memory.

10. Orton still hurt

This wasn't really news to anyone, but with the Sex Cannon at the helm, only BAD things could happen, right? I think it’s fair to put all of Chicago’s sports woes from this past weekend on Grossman, don’t you? I mean, he is Rex Grossman. It has to be his fault.

9. Captain Kirk gets clipped

At first you might be like, “this isn’t really that bad. With Kirk out, only good things can happen, right?” But then it hits you. With Hinrich out that means more playing time for Larry “Bricks” Hughes when he gets healthy. That can only lead to very bad things, like Keanu Reeves in, well, anything.

8. Northwestern loses

I’m not sure this really surprised anyone besides Ronnie “Woo Woo” (the man’s crazy), but it confirmed how big the gap is between OSU and maybe Penn State and the rest of the Big Ten. NU is having its best season in a decade and yet they still can’t compete with the big boys.

7. Jimmy Clausen

Either Jimmy couldn't read safety help or just said, “eff it” and threw the ball into double coverage for four interceptions. Instead of being the reason for the Irish success, he single handedly lost the game for the once proud program. If I was Woody Paige I would say something like, “those locks don’t look so golden anymore.” But I’m not horrible at my job, so I wont.

6. This picture of Ron Zook

5. Domers downed

The Irish did not look as bad as the 0-17 score would suggest, but Clausen’s turnovers were too much to overcome. ND was looking for a statement win, but were embarrassed yet again. The worst part of all this will be the hackneyed headlines like “Weiss Watch” or “Domers Downed”.

4. Bears passing defense

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Titans are good, but come on. How can any defense, let alone the “feared” Bears defense, allow Kerry “EFFing” Collins to throw for 289 yards, 2 TD and allow a 108.7 passer rating? You know how many TD Collins had before Sunday? THREE! Something needs to change, anything. May I suggest firing the person with the name that rhymes with Bob Babich.

3. The Illini lose to a MAC school

Three weeks ago I said that Illinois' season could only be a viewed as a disappointment. Now I think we can officially change that status to EPIC FAIL. What happened to the offense? They looked Texas Tech-ian. Where’s the Zook-iness? Maybe Western Michigan is just that good. No, you’re right, it’s definitely not that.

2. LeBron Jordan’s Bulls

So the Bulls were beating the Cavs going into the fourth quarter. Then LeBron James did his best Michael Jordan, putting up 41 and leading the Cavs to a 106-97 victory. Meh. LBJ is basically unstoppable going to the rim, a la Jordan when he was young or like the fade away when he got older. The Bulls are just not talented enough to stop him or any good team and it showed Saturday.

1. Bears lose to Kerry Collins

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Top Ten Chicago Sports Stories of the Week

It’s Friday!!! This is my first Friday post here at TTCS and I will use it to have my own type of Sexy Friday (minus the sweet pics of cheerleaders). Instead, I will use this time to play a game that I learned from Food Court Lunch. However, I am going to change the name of it to "Fun with Headlines Friday" to not seem like a plagiarist or something. So loosen those belts, grab a your cup of "coffee" (hopefully spiked with some sort of spirit to start the weekend off right) and lets enjoy the top stories in Chicago sports this past week (slightly altered, of course).

What’s that? You want a picture of a cheerleader? Okay, but just one. Who am I to deny you that right?

10. Notre Dame still can’t beat decent teams; world rejoices, again

The Fighting Irish’s 36-33 loss to Pitt was very telling. They seem to be able to play with-and even control-teams that are in the 20-40 rank range, but can’t seem to put them away. They are definitely on the right track with their recruiting and seem to be a year away from a ranking in the top 20. However, this year they haven’t accomplished what most Irish fans had hoped. The Irish have had a fairly easy schedule in 2008 and have been attempting to make a statement game, but rather, stumbled against UNC and Pitt. The Irish will look to make that statement Saturday against Boston College.

9. Bulls look terrible; where's the change Obama?

I watched my first Bulls game from start to finish on Wednesday and I can say with confidence that with the current rotation and offensive sets the Bulls will be AT BEST the eighth seed in the East. To help me deal with wasting like 3 hours on his team Wednesday, let me take this opportunity to say a word to my boy, VDN:

Hey, VDN, start Gordon. I know, he’s a whiny sissy, but outside of Rose, who is hands down the best player on your team, you don’t have a player on the team that can score consistently. Deng is officially a bust in the he’s-a-go-to-player way Pax thought he would be. However, he still has the opportunity to become a player a la Kukoc. Stop starting Sefa-alphabet and play some effing scorers so we are not down by like 15 at the half. Oh, and start running, your half court sets are terrible.

8. Illini beat Hawkeyes; Mohegan Sun opens in Urbana

After blowing a fourth quarter lead, Illinois was able to put it away with a field goal, taking them that much closer to a bowl game. I don't know how this season cannot be seen as a disappointment for Illinois. They should get bowl eligible this weekend with a win over Western Michigan. After that who knows as they face OSU then a surprising Northwestern team.

7. Peavy a real possibility; Dempster to play Scrooge McDuck in remake

So my prediction was wrong on what Dempster wanted. He is looking for 5/75MM, but Hendry only wants to give him four years (which I thought). Thus, Hendry is looking at an ulterior route and that is Jake Peavy. The Padres will want a SS and/or CF and a young P in return. The Cubs have all of that (Cedeno, Pie, Samardzija/Marshall), but Peavy may also want to restructure his contract. If this does work out the Cubs will upgrade at arguably their best position.

6. Northwestern beats Minnesota; and the game mattered!!!

5. Hawks look good; Chicago looks other way

Hey, the Blackhawks are on a three game winning streak. What? You hadn't heard? Yeah they are kind of good now. Their young talent is coming together - Sharp and Kane lead the team in points with 16 and 15 respectively - and the goaltenders are finally playing well. Things are looking up.

4. Bears barely beat bad Lions team; alliteration is awesome

This was a sad game to watch. The Bears looked terrible, but once again managed to pull it out in the end. Rex Grossman played because...

3. Kyle Orton hurt; Sex Cannon takes over; city on suicide watch

So now we have to deal with the Cannon as our QB. This can't end well. I mean, just when things are looking good at the one position that has haunted us for decades, the Neck Beard goes down in a heap - against the worst team in the NFC, no less. Wait what...?

2. Orton may play!!!; YAYYYY!!!!

1. Obama wins; Chicago set for massive traffic jam circa 2016

So this guy Barack Obama(?) is now our president. Ironically, this was by far the least I have been active in politics. I blame my favorite political science professor in college and this insightful bite:

"You know they are all full of [poop]."

Well, thanks teach! Anyway, by Obama becoming President, not only will the White Sox have a super awesome first pitch thrower, Chicago now looks that more appealing to the Olympic committee (Congrats Mayor Daley). So in about eight years this place will be like rush hour all the time with a sweet heightened sense of fear. Yayyy!

Top Ten Chicago-based college football surprises

College football is an interesting beast in Chicago. Most people’s allegiances are either based on where their parents went to school or which team was most relevant at the time that they formed their sports allegiances. For me it was Notre Dame. For others, it was Northwestern or Illinois. Each of these three teams has had surprising seasons for different reasons. Here are the top ten.

10. Jimmy Clausen


To be fair to Clausen, his line was atrocious last year and the skill positions were very young. Even so Clausen looked over his head last year. People seemed to forget that he was a true freshman and that he was running a new system. Well, Clausen has met all expectations that could have been placed on the sophomore. The Cali native has thrown for 272 yards/game and 14 TD to 8 picks. He has taken HUGE strides and should be in the Heisman debate for the next two years.

9. Illinois' Defense

This unit wasn’t supposed to be awesome but everybody expected them to be better than this. This defense allowed 52 points against Missouri, 38 points against Penn State and a shocking 27 points to an upstart Minnesota team. Even after Illinois beat down Indiana last weekend, they are still giving up over 354 yards/game. Not a good sign for a team that wanted to take the next step into national relevance.

8. Arrelious Benn

The Illinois wide out was supposed to be the man, but he has been a world-beater this year. He is averaging just under 100 yards/game receiving and seems to be open whenever Illinois needs a first down. However, Benn has also been a disappointment on special teams. He was supposed to be a game changer there as well, but it has not panned out.

7. Notre Dame's running game

Armando Allen, Robert Hughes and James Aldridge have been a three-headed monster for the Fighting Irish. ND has increased its running production by 25 yards/game and gives defenses more than just Clausen to worry about. It legitimizes their offense and keeps the defense fresh.

6. Northwestern's offensive line

The line has been spectacular this season and is the primary reason Northwestern is now bowl eligible. After allowing 32 sacks in 2007, the line has only allowed five in about half as many opportunities.

5. Golden Tate

A problem the 2007 ND offense had was that they did not have a go-to receiver. This year Tate has stepped up and has become the playmaker the Irish and Clausen desperately needed. He is averaging 18.5 yards/catch and over 86 yards/game. Add a team leading 28 grabs and four touchdowns and Tate has become the wide out that Weis has been looking for.

4. Notre Dame's offensive line

Just like Northwester, ND’s line was simply terrible in 2007. They allowed 58 sacks last year. 58!!! This year in half as many games they have cut that number down to seven. The line has also opened up holes for the running backs that were not there in 2007, giving ND a viable running game, as the Irish are averaging just over 101 yards/game on the ground this season.

3. Illinois

The fighting Illini are this high up on the list simply because they lost to Minnesota. The Golden Gophers have been a shock in the Big Ten, but Illinois was supposed to roll them. Instead they came out flat and lost to an inferior ‘Sota team. Add on losses to Missouri and Penn State and 2008 has been a disappointment for Illinois thus far.

2. Juice Williams

Juice was the athletic, run-first quarterback that had all the potential in the world, but just could not get over the hump. Well, in 2008, that has all changed. After spending sometime with Donovan McNabb in the summer, Juice has finally become the complete quarterback Ron Zook always talked about. Juice is not just chucking the ball and running when he feels pressure anymore, but reading defenses and picking them apart. The QB is still running though at nearly a 70-yards/game clip and throwing for over 278 yards/game, combining for 21 TD total.*

*Sorry for the type size. It would not change for whatever reason.

1. Northwestern

During my college summers my friends and I would rent an apartment in Evanston -- a place where we could cause all kinds of shenanigans. This is how I met C.J. Bacher. He was a cocky 18-year-old freshman, partying in the apartment above us. I remember that he always carried a football with him, just so people knew he played football. Kind of lame, I know. He rubbed me the wrong way.

Thus, it pleases me that Bacher has never really progressed as a passer, but also that his team has in all facets of the game around him. I kind of like seeing NU do well and they have been a huge surprise in the Big Ten. They are already bowl eligible and have a chance to win nine or 10 games as they face very beatable teams like Indiana, Minnesota, Michigan and Illinois.

Tales from the archive: Top Ten reason why the college football is better than the NFL