Top Ten reasons why NCAA football is better than the NFL

The NFL has taken over as “America’s sport” but that does not mean it is better. For me, college football will always take the cake as the number one thing to watch on fall weekends (after baseball is over, of course). Here are the Top Ten reasons why.

10. Games are played on Saturday

I can’t express the brilliance of a Saturday football game. You wake up between 8-10am, drink at your dorm or house or whatever and then head on over to the tailgate at about 11. Drink some more and then go to the game to watch your boys take a solid 30-point lead against Buffalo going into half time. This is the opportune time to sneak off and catch a few hours of drunken slumber before you rise at 8pm to start it all over again. This time the game is the bar and half time is midnight. Unlike the tailgate, you leave with a girl on your left arm. This is what it was like at Miami (OH) where I attended “school.” Well, that is until Big Ben left and football became as relevant as women’s ping-pong.

You can’t do this on Sunday. It is God’s day, the day of rest after a long-ass weekend. You may be able to drink for a bit, but then the notion of work or early morning class starts to become way to real and your day fades as soon as the clock hits zero at the end of the fourth quarter. Just can’t compare.

9. My next-door neighbor can throw for like 4,000 yards and 30 TDs

The QB for Missouri, what’s his name, the nose picker, yes that’s it, Chase “two first names” Daniel. This guy is like 5-9 and 112 pounds. There is no possible way he can do anything in the NFL. Yet, in college he is the shit. If you never saw him on TV and walked by him on the street, you would think he was your average bus boy or cock monkey. You would never guess he threw for 33 TDs last season. That is what is great. You’re next door neighbor could be a National Champion, or at least a MAC champ.

8. The freshman class

College football is so based on talent it ridiculous. Yes, certain systems work better than others and level the playing field, but if a coach has a good or bad recruiting class or two, you can see the program elevated to new heights or lowered to new lows (Kansas and Notre Dame). Each year brings new hope and inevitable failure based on the type of talent you recruit.

7. No Chris Berman*

Besides his magical pick up lines, Berman has pretty much used up all the 15-years of fame allotted to any ESPN “talent”. His nicknames were cheeky and funny ten years ago, but have become dull and tiresome. He just makes my NFL viewing that much more painful.

*Thanks to Wheeler for thinking of this then ditching me at the bar. You're the best, brah.

6. Anything goes on offense

Maybe its because I am a Bears fan and have to watch the dullest offense since the inception of the forward pass, but college football’s varying offensive schemes are superior to the NFL's. The spread, the option, that thing they call an offense in Miami (FL), anything goes and they pretty much all work (besides that thing in Miami (FL)). It’s kind of like playing backyard football with your buddies, but WAY sweeter. The varying offenses level the playing field and make college games extremely fun and exciting to watch.

5. The anti-NBA

Unlike the NBA, and sometimes the NFL, players don’t take plays off (I’m looking at you Randy Moss and the entire NBA on defense). The college football game is played with such passion and with a balls-out mentality, even if they posses no talent. They actually CARE about the outcome of the game, at least most of them. True, some view college as a stepping-stone to the NFL, but the vast majority play because they love it.

4. Tradition, or something

Do you really care about the Buccaneers? They weren’t even relevant to the NFL until Jon “Chucky” Gruden was TRADED to them. The only tradition they had until 2003, were ugly cream uniforms. College football is drenched in tradition. Michigan taught Notre Dame football and now they hate each other. Harvard and Princeton used to rock at football – each has four national championships. You don’t get that kind of history with the NFL. It’s just not there. I mean there has to be a reason why Alabama thinks they should win, right?

3. Pure unadultered hate

Can anything bring out complete retarded rage like college football can? I think not. College football fans hate each other with the fire of a thousands suns, simply because of the colors on their shirts. Have you ever met anyone from Ohio? They are the most irrational, incompetent, redneck, ass clowns I have ever met, and yet they have the gall to hate anyone from Michigan. I have cousins from Michigan; they are the nicest people ever, like to the point of annoyance nice – basically Canadians.

2. Tailgating

As I mentioned in #10, tailgating is a major part of a college football Saturday. NFL tailgates are now basically banned. This means Saturdays remain supreme. College tailgates don’t just equal food and beer, like NFL tailgates did. It can mean a variety of things, from 8am Beirut tournaments to a random game of “Thunder”. The creativity of college tailgates is unequaled to any professional ‘gate of the like. When drinking takes precedent to the actual game, like at Indiana (where officers like to arrest you), then you know the tailgate is the shizzy.

1. Coeds

If you have ever been to an NFL game you know that the only fine tail is on the sidelines reporting. It seems that the only women there are the ones that are sick of sitting at home by themselves on Sunday while their fat, drunk hubbies go to the game. So, in an effort to become relevant during the winter months, these wives convince their worse half that they “care” about the outcome of the game, forcing the man to give into her demands, bringing her to the game in fear of loosing sexual pleasure, ever.

Now this is not the case in college. Young girls wear as little as possible to flaunt their god-given-gifts to possibly get a chance to date the next future NFL bust. They show their support of their team with school colors, making sure their wardrobe barely covers the areola region, even during the hardest of cheering. God Bless those four glorious years. Why did I graduate on time?