Top Ten things you'll never hear Chicago coaches say

Chicago is home to a diverse group of professional coaches. We are lucky to have Ozzie Guillen’s colorfulness and Lou Piniella’s bluntness, while not so fortunate to have Lovie Smith’s dryness and Vinny Del Negro’s cluelessness.

I would greatly enjoy chatting with Guillen or Piniella, but I wouldn’t be nearly as keen about talking with Smith or Del Negro. All I would probably find out from those two is that the Bears went 9-7 last year and that Derrick Rose is really good.

With all that said, here are 10 things you’ll never hear our town’s head coaches say. Because Ozzie is the face of the Sox, and because without him they would be a pretty boring team, he dominates this list.

Ozzie Guillen

10.“Alexei, did you drink your Slim-Fast today?”

Lovie Smith
9. (Responding to a reporter’s critical question) “That’s a bunch of …….. You’re an … ….”

Joel Quenneville

8. “All this coverage we’re getting is starting to be a bit too much."

Lou Piniella
7. “Division championships are all that really matter in this town anyway.”

Vinny Del Negro
6. “Joakim, why didn’t you take the open 12-footer?”

Ozzie
5. “The inside back page of the Sun-Times just isn’t the same anymore.”

Lovie
4. “We need Ron Rivera back.”

Ozzie
3. “Why can’t we play the Cubs more than six times every season?”

Vinny
2. “This Bulls job is just a stepping stone for me.”

Ozzie
1. “Hey Bartolo, go easy on the salad. And give that treadmill a break.”