Top Ten most awkward Chicago baseball batting stances

Over the past 25 years there have been some Cubs or White Sox hitters who have stepped up to the plate looking more uncomfortable than, well they should. Below is a list of 10 swingers who may or may not have had success with how they stood in the box. I am probably missing a few so feel free to post comments.

10. Gary Gietti



Words cannot describe what was wrong with this swing, but it was just kind of goofy. Gietti, the stereotypical early '90s baseball player was a boss’ pick, but a good one.

9. Jim Thome



Thome's got the stance of a slugger, but this wide-legged, open stance is difficult to replicate when standing in your local batting cage. He stands so open it should come as no surprise that other managers put a shift to the right so much that the second baseman sits in the 7th row down the first base line. I do love the traditional pants-grab he does.

8. Alfonso Soriano



"The Fonz" has a unique approach at the plate because of the enormous step he takes into the ball. He does not go for the traditional "A-Frame" look that instructors teach and has that front foot stepping as the pitch is coming. I also do not know of anybody other than Pablo Ozuna who look like they have a bigger bat in their hands.

7. Albert Belle



Belle's stance was not truly the odd part in the whole hitting situation though he did have his feet relatively close together. Albert would start with the bat to his shoulder, and as the pitch was coming, he would bring it back and go forward again. While it worked for him, I am pretty sure it is not the way Tom Emanski showed him.

6. Carl Everett



Carl did things sort of similar to Belle, except it didn't look like he was ever ready until the pitch was released. He had a poor-man's impression of Gary Sheffield with his bat constantly in motion too. I bet in little league pitchers got confused and actually stopped their motion when they saw Everett's look of disinterest to the game.

5. Aaron Rowand



Good ole' Aaron's stance just made me laugh. He honestly looked like there was an invisible chair behind him. And what is more funny is that it took him a few seconds to crouch to that position, making him look like an old man.

4. Moises Alou



Just try to stand like that for two seconds; it's impossible. While it is probably easier to urinate on your hands that way, I would honestly like to know how he came up with buckling your knees that way. He steps in like Darryl Kyle already threw his curve.

3. Nomar Garciaparra



They had to make a rule because of this guy. Because he took so long to get into the box after doing his batting glove, batting glove, wristband, batting glove ritual, they gave a time limitation to hitters. Oh and he was not even in the box yet. Once he was in there he was trying to get a part on "Dancing with the Stars" the way he did a tap dance routine. Needless to say, I thought it was so sweet.

2. Luis Gonzalez



While it may not have been that bad when he was in Chicago, nobody had a more open stance that Luis. His back foot would be on the inside of the batters' box, and the front foot would be on the outside, with the majority of his body facing the pitcher. What was surprising was that he actually got to balls on the outside part of the plate and was able to hit the ball to the opposite field.

1. Julio Franco



The man who created odd batting stances. He still holds the bat over his head like he's calling his shot to right center field; then in one helicopter-esque motion, he nearly decapitates the Cather with every pitch. This alone shows his brute strength, as he nears 85, because he has yet to change this long ordeal many baseball players like to call a swing.

Top Ten Quotes from Major League

In honor of Opening Day coming up so very soon, we decided to take a look at the ten best quotes from the movie 'Major League'. Normally I'd write some lengthy introduction here to set up the list, but for a movie that ranks among the best ever made in terms of the sports genre, I'm confident I can just shut the hell up and get on with it.

10.

Jake Taylor: I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Ed. Note: Jake took this call in some motel in Mexico wearing a sombrero on his head and some random woman in his bed. If I had a dollar for every time that's happened to me, I'd be broke.

9.

Harry Doyle: The Duke led the American League this year in saves, ERA and hit batsmen. This guy once threw at his own kid in a father son game.


Ed. Note: While they probably aren't very proud to admit it, there's definitely one or two fathers out there that have thrown a little chin music in their kid's direction.

8.

Lou Brown: Nice catch Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.

Ed. Note: Willie Mays Hayes, played by Wesley Snipes, had just made a basket catch out in center field and seemed thrilled with himself until ol' Lou Brown had something to say about it.

7.

Heywood: Going somewhere meat?

Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.

Ed. Note: Probably one of the greatest comebacks in the history of baseball movies. And just in case you're confused, Willie Mays Hayes never got arrested. Wesley Snipes did.

6.

Charlie Donovan: How would you like to manage the Indians this year?

Lou Brown: Gee, I don't know...

Charlie Donovan: What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.

Lou Brown: Let me get back to you, will ya Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.

Ed. Note: I'm not sure if they could have picked a better person than James Gammon to play the part of Lou Brown. The classic, easy going, I don't give a shit what you think attitude was played to perfection.

5.

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?

Eddie Harris: Crisco

Eddie Harris: Bardol

Eddie Harris: Vagisil. Any one of 'em will give you another two to three inches drop on your curveball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeno up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just rub my nose.

Rick Vaughn: You put snot on the ball?

Eddie Harris: I haven't got an arm like you kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.

Ed. Note: Has anyone else ever truly defined the term 'crafty vet' as much as Eddie Harris? (As a little league pitcher, the first time I saw this movie I asked my Mom to take me to the store to buy some Vagisil. I think you have a pretty good idea how that turned out.)

4.

Harry Doyle: One hit? That's all we got, one god-damned hit?!

Monte: You can't say god-damned on the radio!

Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody's listening anyway.


Ed. Note: In my head, this is what I imagine radio broadcasts of the Tampa Bay Rays or the Florida Marlins sound like.

3.

Wille Mays Hayes: Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and run like Hayes.

Lou Brown: You may run like Mays, but you hit like shit.

Ed. Note: I think my high school baseball coach told me the exact same thing, except he told me I run like John Kruk after he got a free dinner at Ol' Country Buffet.

2.

Harry Doyle: Juussst a bit outside. Tried the corner and missed.

Ed. Note: Just classic in every sense of the word.

1.

Pedro Cerrano: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.

Eddie Harris: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.

Roger Dorn: Shit Harris.

Pedro Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.

Eddie Harris: You tryin to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

Ed. Note: I still haven't made up my mind about this one. I've tried to picture the big guy upstairs in his robes and what not, standing at the plate and watching as his knees buckle while a Barry Zito 12-6 curveball goes past.


Honorable Mention:

"This guy here is dead!"
"Forget the curveball Ricky, give 'em the heater"
"Bartender, Jobu needs a refill"
"Who gives a shit, it's gone"

Top Ten Respectable Jerseys

All the time I see tons of idiots walking around Chicago with jerseys that suck. Every time I go to Wrigley there's a million Nomar Garciaparra jerseys because of his brief stint with the Cubs. People seem to be buying lame jerseys in bulk since they became so popular to own in the early 1990's. I myself owned a ton of jerseys, but when I started seeing kids at school wearing Steve Kerr jerseys I thought the line had been crossed. I mean Kerr's a nice guy and probably the best NBA player ever born in Lebanon, but he's a specialist! He doesn't deserve your money! What's next, people wearing Kelly Wunsch jerseys? Or Israel Idonije jerseys? I mean those guys are sweet, but spend your hard earned scrilla on these underrated jerseys. Guys like Walter Payton, Scottie Pippen, Dan Hampton, etc. have been not included due to the high volume of jerseys that are worn.


Note* I'm giving you a link to buy these jerseys instead of photos so you can stop looking like a tool.


10. Michael Jordan
Everyone and their Mom owns a Jordan jersey (especially the red road jersey.) Time to switch it up a bit. Go with this old school cursive writing Bulls jersey that really screams, “I can dunk on everybody!” The only other respectable Jordan jersey is the Olympic Dream Team one or his uniform from Space Jam.

9. Bill Buckner
Now is the part where I baffle the Cubs fans. “Bill Buckner played for the Cubs?” Yeah and he’s one of the most underrated baseball players in Major League history. Of course Buckner will forever be remembered for the error that “cost” the Red Sox the World Series in 86. Little known fact, Buckner wore a Cubs batting glove underneath his glove during the error. If you wear this jersey, you're tough and love to brawl. You know some idiot at Barleycorn is going to give you crap for wearing it, so knock his teeth in with some purpose and let him know that Bill had 2,700 career hits.

8. Bob Love
I’m really surprised this jersey hasn’t caught on with Omarion or whatever other R & B weirdos are coming out these days. Seriously, Bob Love could hold it down. He was a sick athlete, but more importantly he overcame a horrible speech impediment after his playing career to become a motivational speaker and community relations director for the Bulls. After he dominated the NBA, he held a job as a dishwasher making less than $5 an hour because his stuttering was so bad. But he overcame that and dominated the world again. Kudos to Bob Love, and if you own this jersey, you're just sweet. Also, the Bulls don't sell any Bob Love merchandise, but I can purchase Green St. Patty's Day Kirk Hinrich jerseys if I want. Step your game up Bulls marketing, and fix this problem!

7. Lee Smith
Lee Smith might be the funniest guy (and worst golfer) I have ever been around. I had the lucky chance to be around him for a couple days during a golf outing and he has many many side splitting stories and ways of making you laugh. Anyone that calls their girlfriend “woman” and means it is cool in my book. Lee was also a dominant closer who maintained an awesome haircut during his Cubbie playing days. He sure beats the hell out of Randy Myers or Ryan Dempster.

6. Gale Sayers
I’m a proud owner of a Gale Sayers jersey, and I still firmly believe he is one of the five best running backs to ever play the game. This was Devin Hester before Devin Hester. This is what Reggie Bush strives to be. Gale also had an uncanny way of being polite while talking down to his inferior competition. He always claimed he never worried about the first defender tackling him because it was impossible, so he always looked up field for the second or third guys. If you own this jersey you’re probably extremely arrogant and better than everyone else, or at least you think you are ( or your name is Scott Phillips and that description fits like a glove).

5. Artis Gilmore
First of all Artis wore the number 53. Who wears 53? I enjoy it when guys pick numbers nobody else wears. And I’m not talking about guys like Ron Artest or Dennis Rodman who are “crazy” and wear numbers in the 90’s to personify their character. Gilmore could rebound like no other, and averaged 20 and 20 in the ABA and 17 and 10 in the NBA. He also is Jacksonville’s only important graduate (that’s an assumption, not a fact).

As with the Bob Love jersey the Bulls have nothing on Artis Gilmore, and the only jerseys of his available on ebay are from the Spurs years. Once again, Bulls, I can buy a stupid Andres Nocioni jersey which will mean absolutely NOTHING in five years, or I can honor one of the best big men of a generation. Good call.

4. Billy Williams
Everyone always talks up “Mr. Cub” and Ron Santo lately because of how it’s such a travesty he’s not a Hall of Famer, but Billy Williams was a great ballplayer and a jersey I rarely see in the bad jersey mecca known as Wrigleyville.

3. Stan Mikita
Hawks jerseys are the best in sports, so if you don’t own one by now then you are not a true Chicago fan. If you choose to put a player on there (blank jerseys are respectable too because players change teams so much) then go with Stan Mikita. He’s the greatest Blackhawk of all-time, and also a badass (he was in the penalty box a LOT in his early days) that deserves your appreciation in the form of a jersey.

(Side Note: Is there anything more underrated on sports jerseys than the "A" or the "C" that comes with being a captain in hockey? I think this should be adopted in everyday forms of life. I'm going to start putting "A's" on all my suit coats as I defer being captain to one Matt Olsen.)

2. Shoeless Joe Jackson
There is nothing better than sticking it to the MLB. Shoeless Joe may be banned for life, but support him anyways and show how much you loved Field of Dreams (and hate Bud Selig). Also note that you will probably have to get this jersey custom made because he is banned from baseball. But would you rather drop some dough on the dough filled Jermaine Dye, or have a piece of baseball history on your back?

1. Brian Piccolo
There is no jersey on a Chicago fan I respect more than the Brian Piccolo jersey. Brian was a true gamer, working his way from undrafted free agent, to practice squad, to special teams, to backup tailback and finally starting fullback. His legacy however remains in his tragic death from cancer when he was just 26 years old. From this came Brian’s Song, one of the better sports movies ever made, as well as a very good biography about him. He is the epitome of the blue collar athlete and a player that will always be respected.


So there you have it folks, some true underrated Chicago jerseys that will get fans across the city respecting your ability to identify with true Chicago icons. This list was inspired after seeing my first Fukudome jersey of the year and realizing that Wrigley Field will be littered with morons wearing that jersey and chanting "F***-you-Do-ME" and laughing about it as if it's funny. As a public service announcement, unless you are Asian, a child under 12 years old, or a respectful, knowledgeable baseball fan, please do not buy this jersey. If you do chant "F***-you-Do-Me" I WILL spend $7 to pelt you with a beer.

Important Note* Top Ten Chicago Sports does not support these specific ebay lisitings. These were merely added in order for you to expand your horizons and move on from your Rex Grossman jersey. If you get had, or get a wrong jersey it is the fault of the ebay seller and you and not Top Ten Chicago Sports.

Top Ten Future Stars of Professional Sports

10. G Lance Stephenson

One of the top high school juniors in the country, Stephenson looks to be the next great prep basketball star out of New York. Duke, Georgetown, North Carolina, Indiana, and Kansas are after his services.

9. DE DaQuan Bowers

In most years, Bowers would be the unanimous top prep football player in the country. He’ll start at Clemson from day one and should terrorize ACC offenses just as quickly.

8. G Demar DeRozen

OJ Mayo will likely leave now that USC has been knocked out of the tournament, but DeRozen will replace him nicely. A gifted shooting guard blessed with explosive athleticism, look for DeRozen to be one of next year’s top freshmen.

7. RB Joe McKnight

It’s hard to remember a college program ever having the type of positional glut that USC had last season at running back, but McKnight should now begin to get the bulk of he carries. The New Orleans native has drawn comparisons to former Trojan Reggie Bush.

6. OF/SS Justin Upton

Though he got too many at-bats last season to be considered a rookie for 2008, Upton is one of baseball’s brightest young players. It took a few years for his brother BJ to break out in Tampa Bay, but Justin’s learning curve is expected to be much quicker with the Diamondbacks.

5. PG Ricky Rubio

Though the Spanish point guard likely won’t enter the NBA Draft until 2009, he already has scouts drooling over him. Rubio has drawn comparisons to Pete Maravich.

4. QB Jimmy Clausen

It’s hard to fault Clausen for the Fighting Irish’s miserable 2007. If the offensive line can keep him upright, Notre Dame may have found their next great quarterback.

3. OF Jay Bruce

Only in the deranged mind of Dusty Baker would a player as productive as Bruce not be allowed to start 2008 in the major leagues. Bruce, 20, was named Baseball America’s top prospect last season and projects as a corner outfielder with power.

2. QB Terrelle Pryor

Few prep stars have received more attention from the national media than Pryor, a two sport star out of Pennsylvania. He’s been called one of the best quarterback prospects ever and he recently lead his basketball team to a state title. Pryor will play football for Ohio State next fall.

1. P Yu Darvish

Whenever the 21-year old Japanese pitcher decides to come to the United States, he’ll likely go for a posting fee around $75 million. Darvish has already dominated the Japanese leagues, winning their equivalent of the Cy Young last season, and has a fastball that registers at 97 MPH. By most measures, he is further along in his progress than Daisuke Matsuzaka was at the same age.

Top Ten Occurrences, Surprises and “Things” of the first two rounds

At this point in my life I should become less shocked to see teams lose in the NCAA tournament who are not supposed to lose. It should come standard to a sports fan that there is going to be anywhere between five and ten games early on that just make you shake your head and say “Well my bracket is screwed.” So as Ty Rogers from Western Kentucky decided to drain a 35-footer for the win on Friday, and in doing so ruining my life-long pursuit at a perfect bracket, I got to thinking; What else could happen? But that was just the start of the madness. Below are ten more points that have made this year’s tournament live up to the hype.

10. The Boss Button


While I do not need to worry about my boss catching me watching the games online, there are millions of employees around the world who are not as fortunate. But those people have some genius at cbssportline.com to thank Once the "The Boss Button," which is under every gamecast is clicked, the game is immediately taken off the screen and is replaced with a very professional looking graph, sure to fool any CEO. Honestly, I laughed for a good five minutes when I saw this.

9. Lack of first round upsets


While the Western Kentucky-Drake game was explained in the intro, there were not as many surprises in first-round action, especially Thursday. Kansas State topped USC pretty convincingly, and Texas A&M defeated BYU in the meaningless 9-8 game. And that was it for day one. Friday saw both four seeds and both five seeds hit the pavement and #10 Davidson defeat #7 Gonzaga, which actually was an upset only on paper because according to Vegas scoring lines, Davidson was the favorite. If the two buzzer-beaters on Friday rim out, there is not much to talk about upset wise. Much more on the topic to come.

8. The Whiskey War


The Louisville-Tennessee Sweet 16 affair is the one that I am looking forward to the most, and may also be the consensus “game-to-watch” next round. Louisville has played very solid down the stretch, and they may be peaking at the correct time. Tennessee on the other hand, has played well all year, but a conference tournament loss to Arkansas and a narrow overtime victory over Butler may have brought out the flaws in Bruce Pearl’s style. Tennessee will have the narrow edge on the perimeter but the battles down low between the Vol’s Tyler Smith and Wayne Chism and the Louisville's David Pagett, Terrance Williams and Juan Palacios could make this game one for the ages.

7. 2-seed scares


All four number-2’s played in dogfights this weekend, two of them were bumped early. (More on Duke and Georgetown later.) But Texas elected not to score in the second half, which allowed Miami to creep closer and closer to an upset of their own. It was not until Rick Barnes decided to push his own boss button, which told him that he may want to get his players scoring, which they decided to do with four minutes to go and push past the Hurricanes. As stated earlier, it took an overtime for Tennessee to finish up Butler. I realize that both Miami and Butler are not bad teams, and Davidson and West Virginia were the better teams this weekend, but these 2seeds wondered why they were not given a #1. There should be some sort of penalty, or something, for higher seeds who get knocked out early.

6. 1-seed scares


As if it was not embarrassing enough with the #2’s, two #1 seeds had trouble this weekend. Memphis’ free throw shooting, their Achilles heel all season long, was evident as they escaped Mississippi State. John Calipari has openly stated that he will never look at a recruits free throw percentage, but it’s something he may want to put into consideration next time because the Tigers went 6/12 the last minute, allowing Miss. State the opportunity the chance to force OT. I do not even know what happened to UCLA, who was trailing Texas A&M the entire game, until the last ten seconds. A wise man named Gordon Bombay once said, “The only word that comes to my mind when I think about this... pathetic. You guys are running around like a bunch of chickens with your heads cut off.” I could not have said it better myself.

5. 12’s and 13’s


Alright, enough with the negativity for now. Congrats to Western Kentucky, San Diego, Siena and Villanova. These four defeated solid teams, and did so in interesting fashion. I spoke about the 30-footer for the win during the W/K game. San Diego buzzer-beated their way past UConn when De’Jon Jackson hit a mid-range jumper as the horn blew. Siena destroyed the best team not in the round-of-32, Vanderbilt, and people were questioning Villanova’s really deserving of a dance invitation. These wins will also keep me from winning my pool.

4. ‘Nova was the last team in?


People were very skeptical of the Wildcats’ getting into the tournament, and many experts considered them “The last team in.” While I am not so sure people are still believing that as Villanova took down a good Clemson squad in the first round, then followed it up by a win against Siena, who was riding high coming into it. While I am not calling an upset here, Bill Self and Kansas do have a tendency to choke down the stretch, do not be surprised if this turns out to be a barn burner.

3. “David”-son slingshots Goliath known as Georgetown


Georgetown became the first real title contender to fall this weekend as Stephen Curry dropped 30 on the Hoyas. According to brackets, this was a huge upset, however according to polls, Davidson is ranked in the AP and is by no means a pushover. But with that said, Georgetown’s depth at most positions, plus a dominant center in Roy Hibbert should have been able to take down this inexperienced squad. Curry’s offensive explosiveness combined with Wisconsin’s stifling defense could make for a unique Sweet 16 match up.

2. Duke’s awful tournament


I am no Cameron-Hater, but the Blue Devil’s performance in this tournament was simply horrid. They almost let Belmont, BELMONT take them down in round one. And followed that up by West Virginia, a team that was no guarantee to even make the tourney. Coach K is lucky he is a legend, because if it was nearly anybody else, he would be jobless.

1. Only one ACC team remains


I realize that the ACC had a down year, only having four teams enter the tournament, and it does not look like anybody is going to stop UNC anytime soon, but in what way can ESPN spin this and make the ACC the most difficult conference in basketball, while the PAC-10 and Big East still have three teams left. Not to mention the Big 12’s and Big Ten’s two representatives in the Sweet 16. What are Bilas and Vitale going to do if Hansboro gets D-ed up by a Washington State big man, and Lawson goes cold. Dickie V might have to change his diaper…dandee.

Top ten teams lower than a number one seed that have a chance to make the Final Four

10. Notre Dame

If Kyle McAlarney gets hot, Notre Dame can hang with North Carolina in the Sweet 16. A matchup between Luke Harengody and Tyler Hansbourgh could be one of the tournament’s best.

9. Stanford

Few teams can match Stanford’s size inside. A big tournament could make Brook Lopez a top five pick in the NBA Draft.

8. Vanderbilt

Shan Foster and AJ Ogilvy are among the best inside-outside combinations in the country.

7. UConn

The Huskies four best players- AJ Price, Jeff Adrian, Stanley Robinson, Hasheem Thabeet- are as good as any in the country. If they can get past UCLA in the Sweet 16, UConn could make a long run.

6. Pitt

Few players have improved as much as Sam Young. If Pitt’s guards can hot, watch out for the Panthers.

5. Texas

Without Kevin Durant, sophomore point guard DJ Augustin has taken over as the Longhorns best player. A big tournament could make him a lottery pick in the next NBA Draft.

4. Wisconsin

It may not be an exciting brand of basketball, but Bo Ryan always has the Badgers ready to compete. Even without Alando Tucker and Kammron Taylor, Wisconsin is still a top 10 team.

3. Tennessee

The addition of Tyler Smith gives the Vols an added dimension they missed last season. A trip to the Final Four would be the perfect ending for senior Chris Lofton.

2. Duke

Though they are only 5-6 in their last 11 games, Duke has the shooters to take out any team in the field.

1. Georgetown

Roy Hibbert led the Hoyas to the Final Four last year but this time he won't run into Greg Oden.

Top Ten Chicago Sports Logos

10. The Chicago Steel
A strong and bold logo is perfect for this hockey club.

9. The Chicago Bandits
It might be chick softball but it is a sick logo.

8. The Chicago White Sox
It's an average logo but the South Siders are a staple of Chicago.

7. The Chicago Fire
I know it's soccer but it does rep the Chicago FD.

6. The Chicago Wolves
Don't piss off this wild beast.

5. The Chicago Bulls
You mess with the bull you get the horn.

4. The Chicago Shamrox
Even though it is lacrosse, this logo rocks hard.

3. The Chicago Cubs
Simple and powerful.

2. The Chicago Bears
The combination of the colors and the bear is simply badass.

1. The Chicago Blackhawks
It is the greatest logo in sports.

Top Ten NCAA Tournament Mascots We'd Take in a Fight

With the NCAA Tournament coming up, brackets are being filled out by the millions and everyone is looking for that little extra competitive edge that may give you the office pool title. Strategies are a personal thing and the very idea of sharing your own bracketology with anyone else is absurd.

But, if you find yourself faced with a difficult match up, some people use the mascots as a way to determine the winner. Basically, in a fight between the team's mascots, who would win is who you should choose as the winner of the game. So with that in mind, here are the top ten mascots who we'd take in a fight.

10. Tuffy the Titan
Cal State Fullerton

Tuffy is considered a rouge elephant in these parts which means he is considered violently aggressive and capable of flattening entire suburbs while killing anything in his path.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

9. The Leprechaun
Notre Dame

If you've ever seen the movie 'Gangs of New York', you know how members of the Dead Rabbits roll. This guy will knock your face in with a spiked club and fish-hook your girlfriend faster than you can say 'aye.

8. D'Artagnan
Xavier

This swash-buckling mascot is smooth with the ladies and quick with a sword. He may not brush his teeth or shower very often, but when it comes down to going toe-to-toe with a mascot like the Oregon Duck we like the smelly Frenchman.

7. Blue Devil
Duke

While Duke itself is kind of like the Yankees of college basketball, we have to admit the idea of staring down a fight with the devil, albeit a blue one, does not sound very enticing.

6. Ribby the Razorback
Arkansas
That my friends is Hogzilla.
Exhibit A for why you don't want to f@#* with Mr. Razorback.

5. Joe Bruin
UCLA

Joe Bruin has a nasty reputation for ripping people's faces off and can only be defeated with a shotgun blast to his rear. You may see him often roaming the woods of California with his bald head held high in a show of power.

4. The Mountaineer
West Virgina

I think we all remember how Davey Crockett busted some skulls down at the Alamo. Appearances can be deceiving, and if you give this mountain man a couple of minutes to reload, and stood close enough, he would end you.

3. Tommy Trojan
USC

While the Trojans may not have been very bright - see Trojan horse incident - they were regarded as the premier force back in ancient times.

2. Hurricanes
Miami

Simply put, you have no chance against this beast. It can take out cities and wash away your entire existence.

1. Sparty
Michigan State

You all know the score.
300 Spartans against a Persian army 20,000 strong.
They may have lost, but the fact remains the Spartans would flex on any mascot or natural disaster like you could never imagine.

Olsen's Final Four Picks: Memphis, Duke, Georgetown and Tennessee