Like me, you are probably scrambling to secure a sweet outfit for Halloween at the last minute. Like me, you also enjoy sports quite a bit and wouldn't mind going as an athlete or sports personality. Here are some last minute ideas for male costumes. For female costumes just simply be a skanky (
insert anything here) and have at it.
10. Ed Hochuli
The infamous NFL ref is perfect if you can secure a referee shirt and a whistle. When you are at your destination, simply blow your whistle when nothing is happening to disrupt everyone from what they are doing. It would also benefit you to work on those biceps before you go out because Hochuli is jacked.
9. Dennis Rodman
If you have dyed hair, tattoos and a pierced genitalia then you are already halfway there. Now just simply wear women's clothes, leather or just go naked and you are all set.
8. Charlie Weis
Get a crew cut, some kind of Notre Dame shirt (someone you know has one), khaki pants, some pillows for added fat and some crutches. Now hike the khaki pants to your nipples and you're all set. As a bonus, grab a laminated sheet of paper (plays) and a headset for added effect.
7. UFC Fighter
Just wear some goofy looking surfing type shorts, an Affliction shirt and look and act like a meat head and you are all set. Bonus points for vaseline to difuse the punches you are about to take.
6. WNBA Player on Draft Night
You walk awkwardly in heels and so do they, perfect match. Now just wear a business type suit that is tight if at all possible and wear some lipstick and a WNBA hat and you are all set. Also, get a whig if possible to make it even better.
5. Adam Morrison
Grow a ratty looking mustache, don't wash your hair and chain smoke and dip all night (he reportedly does both even though he's a diabetic). Also in the middle of the party after something doesn't go your way (lose in beer pong, get shot down by a girl, etc.) go to the floor and start crying your eyes out.
4. Kyle Orton (Pre-2008)
Have a really weird looking beard (neck beard preferred), long hair and a constant supply of Jack Daniels bottles and look ridiculously goofy and or drunk in every photo taken.
3. Michael Phelps
Secure a swim cap, goggles and some kind of scuba outfit just to make it amusing. Then try to get gold medals or a Rosetta Stone Mandarin Edition learning guide and you are good as gold (sorry that lame joke had to be made.
2. Pacman Jones/Michael Vick
Rock an orange prison outfit with the jersey of the player you choose over it. Follow that by having a stack of money (dog fighting and strip clubs mean lots of cash) and have other supplies like dog collars or guns for added effect.
1. John Daly
Golf shirt, pillows for fat, miller lite, marlboro lites and hooters napkins for added effect. If you want bonus points then get a blonde mullet for 1980's John Daly.
There you have it folks, so easy last minute shopping for those without a costume.
1 comment:
I was Hochuli three years ago. Had the hand motions, the long-winded explanations, and the guns. Too bad I went to a theater party and had to explain myself to everyone.
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