Top Ten Reason to Hate the Cubs

I’m a Cubs fan.

It has been an extremely frustrating relationship – borderline abusive. I give and give and give and the Cubs, in return, have slowly eaten me out at my soul from the inside out. After years of torment, I understand why Cubs fans, like Mike Murphy of WSCR, would hate the Cubs, but it seemed odd to me that our south side brethren hated the Cubs with such vigor as well. We are the lovable losers. How could we in any way offend you guys? The Cubs haven’t hurt anyone in like a hundred years. We haven’t even had the opportunity to piss anyone off in 45 years. But after working at a local newspaper under the abusive leadership of Mike Clark (also of sportspros(e)), I now have a better understanding of why you guys are such haters. Here are the Top Ten Reasons to Hate the Cubs (as Sox and Cubs fan).

Clark’s Top Five Reason to Hate the Cubs as a Sox Fan

5. Who's on first?

http://fireloupiniella.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/ron-santo.jpg

Ron Santo belongs in the Hall of Fame as a player, but really, is there a less prepared broadcaster in America? I'm not sure he knows who the opponent is till the third inning or so.

4. You can't get there from here

http://libizblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/smart-car.jpg

What a choice: Drive and get ripped off to park your car in a lot where you're blocked in till after last call at Cubby Bear or be wedged sardine-like onto a Red Line train or Clark Street bus.

3. Clueless fans

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2411/2378647060_ac44623945.jpg?v=0

No, guys, that medium-depth fly ball will NOT leave the park. Act like you've seen a major league game before and only cheer when something truly notable happens.

2. Wrigley Field

http://www.cubs-fans.com/images/wrigley_field.jpg

Where Cubs fans see ivy and tradition, most people see falling concrete, obstructed views and hour-long waits at overtaxed concession stands for lousy food.

1. One bad century

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/writers/david_vecsey/08/21/cubs_fans/p1_cub_fan_all.jpg

Usually in America, if you sell a product that doesn't do what it's supposed to, you go out of business. But here are the Cubs, without a championship since the early years of the 20th century, still selling tickets at a record pace. Never has mediocrity been so lucrative.

Dubs’ Top Five Reasons to Hate the Cubs as a Cubs Fan

5. Ticket Prices

http://cubs.mlb.com/images/2003/05/29/EwVW8BJj.jpg

$45 for bleacher seats seems a bit excessive. It takes like half a months salary for us poor bloggers just to enjoy a game at the friendly confines. Sucks to be poor.

4. Ronnie “Woo Woo”

http://www.theheckler.com/news/articlefiles/1002-AaronandRonnieWooWoo.jpg

A friend of mine asked the question that if there was one person you would kill and get away with it, who would it be? The usual evil emperors of world history like Hitler and Stalin came up. Then my other friend leaned over and said Ronnie “Woo Woo”. We all silently nodded in agreement.

3. The Dusty Baker Years

http://www.vaguespace.net/photos/uncategorized/p1_baker_getty.jpg

He literally said he didn’t like guys who walked, because they “clogged the base paths.” He’s right though. I hate guys that get on base a lot and improve our team’s chances of scoring. Why is it so hard to realize that increased # of base runners = more runs. Look at the Cubs now. They walk a ton and score a ton. Simple, easy, awesome. He also batted out of order with the Cubs, and then did it again with the Reds. WTF? What were the Cubs thinking? I hate my life.

2. Signing Jeff Blauser

http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/265010.jpgv=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF1934A2752006EF5F0EDC4547B0EC9514E91284831B75F48EF45

This one is 100% personal. Mr. Blauser bled the Cubs for more than 8 million dollars over two years. Now, Blauser hit .300 and OPB’d .400 twice, oddly enough in contract years. Coincidence? The Cubs were so blind on this one it hurts. He OPS’d .885 the year before becoming a Cub. .885 at SS! Awesome! Then he decided to become a lazy ass and came back the next year, after getting paid, to put up a .639 OPS. Really? I hate you Jeff Blauser.

1. 100-freakin’-years

http://www.cubby-blue.com/my_weblog/images/2007/12/30/gravestone.jpg

Can we win, like, just one. Please?