Top Ten reasons soccer will not succeed in the US

I wrote this highly-debated post about a year ago and the people from Unprofessional Foul.com strongly disagreed, to the point where they wrote a post on their site titled "Fish Meet Barrel," totally bashing my concepts. Needless to say, they had some good arguments and made me realize that people do actually care about US Soccer. (Since the "roast" I have visited the site on numerous accounts). Needless to say, this might be one of my favorite pieces I have ever done, simply because of the responses the site received. While I still agree with many of the statements I made a year ago, some arguments can be modified. Regardless, feel free to agree, disagree, make fun of soccer, whatever, enjoy your Memorial Day as well as your Champions League Final later on this week.

Alright. So here is attempt number two in informing readers a little more about soccer. The first try, “Top Ten Chicago athletes that should have been soccer players” was liked by an astounding one person (my Mom). But with the European Cup, the Winter Olympics of soccer, kicking off this weekend and the rest of the TTCS group lacking any soccer knowledge that runs deeper than the most recent version of “FIFA” on PS3, it is only fitting to write about the one thing the rest of the World loves, and the US hates. Below are ten reasons why US soccer will never succeed.


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10. No big-name American stars
One would think that with all the time and money we've spent making this game as popular as it is for youths that one of these kids could actually figure out how to beat the average European. There's no one that deserves any mentioning on a top 50 players in the world list, maybe even top 100. Other than goalie Tim Howard, who has played well in England, I would have to give Arlington Heights native Brian McBride honors as most successful American thus far. He's a forward who scored 40 goals in four-and-a-half years for England’s Fulham. Not bad, but a forward’s job is to score. Cristiano Ronaldo had those numbers in this season alone. Freddy Adu is a bust and Landon Donovan, who is probably the most recognized American in MLS, cried himself to sleep every night in his two brief stints with a German club.

9. Politics
Unlike any other sport where true talent typically prevails, (pending personal issues like run-ins with the law) soccer is a game often based on politics. While this is a difficult topic to discuss without stepping on toes, we see plenty examples at all levels. Colleges have the same clubs always represented among their recruits. While that may speak volumes for the club, these colleges have kids from “C” and “D” teams even going to respectable soccer schools, while many top-talent players on lesser-known club teams are going to less-than-average college programs. The worst part about this is that the squad with this lesser-known talent may be the state's best. But since the club he plays for is not premiere, in the scout’s eye, neither is the player.


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8. Few big international games
US soccer has to qualify for the World Cup in a group that contains quite possibly the weakest international squads. (CONCACAF) Mexico is the only real opponent they face. Because they have racked up so many wins, the US has gone into the last two World Cups with very high rankings on the world’s list, (Top 15 in 2002, Top 10 in 2006) adding to the mockery when they are destroyed by the likes of the Czech and Ghana in the previous WC. But with Mexico being the biggest rivalry, and America in general not having any problem what so ever with the country, it is difficult to truly make a rivalry out of the two. Soccer fans that hate the Mexican national team remind me of parents of U-10 teams that hate a particular area of Illinois because their son cannot beat the local team. It's so petty it sounds ridiculous.

7. The game is too slow
Soccer is like watching two teams in hockey play shorthanded on a power play, at the same time. Defense is the key aspect, offense is rarely existent, and scoring is abysmal. The only way to make the game more exciting would be to do one or more of the following: a. Put less players on the field. b. Shrink the area they play on. c. Make the goals bigger. None of these can be done because it takes away from the games’ tradition. Tradition will be the downfall to anything that could possibly make the game more exciting or interesting in Americas eyes. If these rules were changed, foreigners would not come to play in America and those from the US would not stick around. While some may find that dumb, we are the ones with the problem. The World has been playing this game for more than a century without any significant rule changes and they love the way it’s played.


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6. MLS is a joke
Major League Soccer is in a better position than it was five years ago, but even at its peak, (right now,) it is a mockery of the beautiful game. The league is so infatuated with drawing crowds, it doesn’t realize how demeaning it is to bring in an English powerhouse to play its’ all star game. Think about it, a league vs. a team (one). What's embarrassing about this other than the obvious is that often these large European teams do not play their stars, the team they play is not in season and is often out of shape. Futhermore, the MLS allstars don’t look any better than their opponent. The MLS has won all three games against the world teams but in the last two against Celtic and Chelsea, they looked awful. The MLS has even become less of a feeder for the national team. The US National Team took on England last week in a friendly (exhibition) in England. Only one member of the starting lineup currently plays in the US, Rico Clark. Clark also committed the foul that led to John Terry’s header-goal off a free kick.

5. Too much structure
While in the majority of sports, structure is the key to a successful player. But in the states, it is all we see. While structure is good, when it is added to someone's raw ability, typically we take away from his creativity. People appreciate the sport so much in other countries because it can be played anywhere, anytime, by whomever. We do not see kids getting together to play sports like our parents and grandparents did 30, 40, 50 years ago. Instead, we see soccer moms taking their son or daughter to practice. From there the team breaks up into drill groups and switch from station-to-station every ten minutes until the two hours are up. By no means is that wrong, but you won’t get the creativity out of a structured practice that you would be getting at the park with friends, something that is so common in Europe or South America.


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4. Athletes head to other sports
This was the main topic of the last soccer post, and in reality, this is what will make or break the sport in America. An athlete overseas plays soccer because he does not really have a choice. Soccer is what they do. The US has baseball and football, which our grandparents were raised on. Basketball is the American version of a game that can be played whenever and wherever. Hockey is back, which will surely attract some kids to the sport. The immersion of lacrosse and even Nascar becoming America‘s most viewed sport is just killing the soccer talent pool. America could be much better represented if athlete’s first choice was soccer.

3. Most important moment?
US soccer’s most defining moment was when Brandi Chastain ripped off her jersey after hitting the game-winning penalty kick in the 1999 Women’s World Cup final. No matter how much evolution, sports will remain a “guy’s thing.” But if this is so, then how can the male-dominated hobby known as “sports” allow a woman’s doing to remain the biggest event in one of “their” things? The answer: they can’t. The typical male sports fan will not allow soccer in his life until at the very least, a man can top Chastain’s doing. Not to worry though women, at work we discussed what sporting event we would go back in time to see. Our very own Fred Church said he would have chosen this game. "Not for the game, but for the girl takin' her shirt off." That's Freddy bein' Freddy.

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2. Soccer’s a thinking game
In a country where scoring is key, speed is everything and action is a must, to the typical American, soccer just does not cut the mustard. What people don't realize is that soccer is all of that and often better, we just have to look at the game in a different way. But here in lies the problem; the American is too dumb to comprehend good soccer. Every pass has a purpose. Every movement made is done for a reason. But we don’t see that. Nevermind football, soccer is the ultimate chess match. Scoring a goal is like knocking out the queen. It does not happen often, but that one move is so important that it changes the entire pace of a game. Euros see that. We cannot, because we would rather watch all the action that happens before the knockout. American sport's fans would rather watch the eight-year-old kid who is just learning how to play, taking out whatever pieces he can with reckless abandon, not having any idea as to what the repercussions could be for the particular move.

1. Because we don’t need it to
As stated earlier, all Europe and South America have is soccer. Sure, there are the rare basketball exceptions, but that has been very recent in the evolution of sports. The States on the other hand, do not need another sport. It is clear; we would rather watch cars go around an oval than watch people kick a ball. And the numbers aren't even close. While this should not be a sign for soccer as a whole to give up in the US, this is just a gesture to maybe not be so offended when Jim Rome refers to Demarcus Beasley as a “field fairy” or when soccer gets a 30-second clip on SportsCenter on an hour-long show. The soccer-ites in America needs to realize it is not a piece of the puzzle, and never will be because of this: American soccer is a vicious cycle of good players not playing in the States because no one is watching and fans not watching because there are no good players... This is the ultimate downfall.