Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Athletes We Can Beat Up

(Note: We most likely can not beat up any of these people)

Approximate size of TTCS crew: Olsen 6’0, 190 - Phillips 6’1, 200 - O’Donnell 5’7, 140 - Barnes 6’1, 165 - Martin 5’8, 150 – Church size unknown.

10. Paul Edinger
Listed at 5’8, 175 lbs

One of the oddest looking humans I’ve ever seen.

9. Garrett Wolfe
Listed at 5’7, 185 lbs

Once got tackled by Adam Archuleta in practice.

8. Greg Maddux
Listed at 6’0, 180 lbs


Shouldn’t he just throw a knuckleball at this point?

7. Joey Cora
Listed at 5’8, 150 lbs

Too small to play shortstop (get it ‘short’stop? Anyways…)

6. Steve Kerr
Listed at 6’1, 175 lbs



Stood no less then 24 feet away from the hoop at all times.

5. Augie Ojeda
Listed at 5’8, 170 lbs

His name is Augie.

4. Mike Fontenot
Listed at 5’7, 160 lbs


Bench presses less then Kevin Durant.


3. Patrick Kane
Listed at 5’9, 170 lbs


Has a very punchable face.

2. Ron Santo
Not listed

Has no legs.


1. Virginia McCaskey
Not listed

May have died four years ago.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh you went there... I had no idea who could possibly top patrick kane, and sure enough rick, you never let me down. You decided to put a handicapped man who parades around in a wheelchair and another who has absolutely no idea what is going on nor has she since the Bears won their last championship. Well done my friend.

Reggie Noble said...

Every single person on this list except for the lady Jerry stole the marble rye from would take you down.