Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Rivals

You hate them, we hate them and Chicago hates them. Enjoy.

10. James Posey





Bulls fans are well aware of what kind of cheap shot artist Posey can be. He sideswiped Kirk Hinrich in Game 3 of the 2006 NBA Playoffs, broke Tyrus Thomas' nose with a well-aimed elbow in the 2006-2007 season opener and choke slammed Luol Deng only a few months later.
I hate you James Posey.

9. Bill Laimbeer - Detroit Pistons (1981-1994)

In my lifetime, there has never been an individual I've wanted to cause more physical harm to than Laimbeer. An early proponent of the flop, Laimbeer used every dirty trick in the book to try and slow down the Bulls teams in the 90's. He basically invented the 'Jordan Rules' and is deserving of a couple shots to the head with a tire iron.

8. Pat Williams, Minnesota Vikings

"You all want to bump the guy up," Williams said. "(Olin) Kreutz, he ain't nothing but a joke. He's been nothing but a joke since he came into the league. I've never respected the guy."
--Pat Williams
Minneapolis Star Tribune in 2005

Listen you fat bastard. You're talking about my guy all wrong here. It's the wrong tone. Stick with your buckets of Crisco and fists of butter before you start running your mouth about Kreutz. My man's a six-time Pro Bowler while your greatest achievement is finishing an Ol' 76-er on vacation with your parents in The Great Outdoors. We can actually hear you getting fatter.

7. Tony LaRussa - St. Louis Cardinals

So how does a guy that played for the Chicago Cubs and managed the Chicago White Sox end up on this list?
As manager of the Cubs' most hated rival St. Louis Cardinals, LaRussa has become the target of Cubbie ire and probably wears his trademark shades to block the spit from the drunken degenerates in Wrigley. Either that or he's too hungover to see straight.

6. Charles Martin - Green Bay Packers (1984-1987)


This no talent, ass-clown is the man responsible for single-handedly ruining the Bears 1986 season. Before the game in '86, Martin was seen wearing a towel with a 'hitlist' made up of Bears players. After McMahon had thrown an interception and the play had been blown dead, Martin grabbed him from behind and viciously body-slammed him into the ground. He passed away in 2005 and I can't wait for the day when I can spit on his grave.

5. Torii Hunter - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Poor little Jamie Burke. That's him getting absolutely destroyed by Torii Hunter in a game against the Twins in 2004. Hunter ended both Burke's and the White Sox '04 season with that hit. Just this past year, Hunter spurned the Sox in free agency and chose to take the money and run to Los Angeles. Torri, have you seen what White Sox fans are capable of?
Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

4. Isaiah Thomas - Detroit Pistons (1981-1994)

The leader of 'The Bad Boy' Pistons in the early nineties, Thomas and the Bulls' Michael Jordan absolutely despised one another and the city took notice. Thomas allegedly froze Jordan out of the 1985 All-Star Game and in return, Jordan chose the offensive firepower of a young Christian Laettner over Thomas for a spot on the 1992 Olympic Dream Team. The biggest slap in the face occurred when Thomas and his Pistons walked off the court with 7.9 seconds remaining in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals, refusing to shake hands with the Bulls.

3. John Starks - New York Knicks (1990-1998)


Starks stood for everything that Chicago hated during those epic playoff battles against the Knicks in the '90s. He was brash, outspoken and physical on the court and Bulls fans wanted nothing more than for Jordan to posterize the little guy and do the 'Nuts All Over Your Face Dance' while standing over him.

2. Reggie Miller - Indiana Pacers (1987-2005)


The sharp-shooting Pacer guard was a thorn in Chicago's side for about 18 years before giving up the game. He hit some big time shots against the Bulls but never won a title because Jordan and the Dynasty were killing it during Miller's prime. If you'd like to donate to either the 'Feed Reggie Miller or Cheryl Miller's Sex-Change Operation' funds please contact their representatives in Ethiopia.

1. Brett Favre - Green Bay Packers (1992-present)


Typically, children are off-limits in these posts. However, nothing makes me want to vomit on every single one of their faces more than hearing them sing about Brett Favre. Perhaps we hate him because he's everything we've missed at the quarterback position or perhaps it's because he's basically owned us since becoming the Packers' starter. No matter how you slice it, Brett Favre is the Antichrist of Chicago and Bears fans everywhere pray for the day when he's no longer under center.


Honorable Mentions: Anthony Mason, Kelvin Sampson, Karl Malone, Dan Marino, Bill Self, Albert Pujols, Danny Ferry, Gerald Wilkins and Hugh Douglass.


By Matt Olsen

3 comments:

Ricky O'Donnell said...

Man I hate James Posey.

Freddy in the Chi said...

Come on, spit on his grave? that may be worse than martin stating he was glad that his # whatever had cancer. You want me to try and keep the credibility of this sight good by not posting too risquee pic's of women, but it's ok to say that you're glad somebody is dead. Who woulda thunk it?

Unknown said...

hahaha nice list.... im glad Pat Williams got in there.