Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Athletes We'd Like to Party With

Some will surprise you, others may not. If you don't agree, or we've left someone off, leave a comment.

10. Theo Fleury - Chicago Blackhawks (2002-2003)


Typically we throw Hawks players onto the top ten only to show that we have some semblance of hockey knowledge. However, Mr. Fleury's short stay with the Hawks gave the city a coked-up, alcoholic figure good for the occasional strip club brawl and DUI arrest. Whether or not he actually played any hockey for the Hawks is still up for debate.

9. Harry Caray - Chicago Cubs Broadcaster


The symbol of everything Cubdom, Harry Caray became the unofficial mascot of the drunken hordes found wandering the streets of Wrigleyville every summer. In between mispronouncing names and his famous "Holy Cow" home run call, Caray would be slamming cans of Bud Light and praying for a rain delay with a cute intern bouncing on his lap. I wish Harry was still around today and tried to pronounce Kosuke Fukudome after putting down a twelve-pack.

8. Brian Urlacher - Chicago Bears

The 2005 NFL Defensive Player of the Year has definitely made a name for himself in the Chicago party scene since he was drafted in 2000. Illegitimate children with his late night hookups and an infamous Las Vegas rendezvous with socialite Paris Hilton have given Urlacher more than enough street cred to be apart of this list.

7. Jamar Smith - University of Illinois

Jamar is my boy
After a late night in Champaign with Mr. Jose Cuervo, Smith (right) decided to hop in his ride with teammate Brian Carwell and proceeded to smash into a tree. But the fun didn't stop there. He actually drove the car to his apartment and left it outside with his unconscious teammate stuck in the passenger seat! That's how Jamar Smith rolls. DUI City baby!


6. Bob Probert - Chicago Blackhawks (1994-2002)

Yup Bob Probert

The ultimate enforcer and Chicago henchman is one of the city's most celebrated athletes and has become somewhat of an official mascot of Top Ten Chicago Sports. This guy would knock out his grandma if he had to and definitely was known to pound a couple of cold ones and maybe a line or two after going a few rounds with guys like Tie Domi. In 2004, police subdued Probert with taser and stun guns after he allegedly got into an altercation with some drug peddlers on the streets of Ontario. Bob Probert, we salute you.

5. Kyle Farnsworth - Chicago Cubs (1999-2004)

This flame throwing right-hander was a mainstay in even the darkest corners of Chicago's taverns and was even rumored to have a penchant for impregnating almost anything that walked. On a personal note, he spent a weekend sleeping on my buddy's couch and didn't leave until the beer had run dry and had been asked repeatedly to vacate the premises.

4. Chris Duhon - Chicago Bulls

Taking full advantage of such a small amount of fame has served this backup point guard of the Bulls quite well since coming to the Windy City. From Bears games to bars in Wrigleyville, Duhon is always more than happy to show up expecting free drinks and perhaps a place to crash for the night. Hell, he might even give your girl a lap dance as long as she isn't stingy with the tips.

3. Dennis Rodman - Chicago Bulls (1995-1998)

There's not much this man hasn't done in and out of the Chicago city limits. After deciding whether he's man or woman in the morning, Rodman can usually be found in the center of a throng of washed up strippers somewhere in Vegas. Supposedly when he was with the Bulls, Michael Jordan hired someone to make sure Rodman was at practice ever day hungover or not.

2. Michael Jordan - Chicago Bulls (1984-1993, 1995-1998)

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.
Perhaps nobody outside of Charles Barkley and Charles Oakley truly knows how M. Jeff does it when out for a night on the town. But whispers of Jordan dropping tens of thousands of dollars in Atlantic City and rampant claims of his infidelities have only helped to define his legend.

1. Kyle Orton - Chicago Bears


He's the gift that keeps on giving. The K.O. Kid has made a name for himself nationally for his neck-beard binges all across Chicago and even more so in his native state of Iowa. With a bottle of Jack Daniels always within reach, K.O. is without question the most notorious boozer in Chicago and has shown no signs of stopping despite the possibility of starting next season. In the words of Ricky O'Donnell, "It takes a special man to beat MJ in anything and Orton is just that. Well, not special, more drunk I suppose."

Honorable Mentions: Reggie Theus (a.k.a. Rush Street Reggie), Lance Briggs, Rex Grossman, Jalen Rose, Brian Randle, Benny the Bull, Ricky Manning Jr, Richard Dent, Otis Wilson and JamesOn Curry.

7 comments:

Ricky O'Donnell said...

It's, it's beautiful.

I kind of want to listen to Andre WK now.

Freddy in the Chi said...

Nice list fella's. Wish I could have inputed the night that Orton bought me and a the girl I was drinkin' with a bottle of Petron each and drank the damn things dry.

Anonymous said...

haha, at least theres no nudity on this post. Nice job matt

Anonymous said...

Orton is more of an embarrassment to this website than freddie posting pictures of naked girls

Freddy in the Chi said...

Hey, I didn't even notice that until I walked into work last night and you said something. For the love of 3rd string quarter backs who party like rock stars Barnes, give it a rest!

Gandalf the Grey said...

Well done. You really came out hot on this top ten with Theo leading off. The list, like the '85 Bears, has no flaws. The only person who might be named in the honorable mention category is one Tank Johnson. Who would not want to get hammered on Rush St. with Tank, get in a street brawl, then go his house for more fun with assault rifles and the weed he scored from Benny the Bull?

Anonymous said...

On looking back on all of our 15 or so posts, this one is still my favorite... great job again matt