Top Ten Chicago Fans

On short notice, we decided to take a look at who amongst tinsel town consistently roots for Chicago's finest.

10. Mr. T

I pity fool who thought I would use 'I pity the fool' somewhere in this paragraph. That'd just be way too easy. Moron.

9. Bernie Mac

If not for Mr. 3,000, Bernie Mac may just crack our top five. While that film is a big blemish on his resume, Mac's cameo in the best movie of 2007, Transformers, gets him back on the list. Also, he's the only member of the collection that is a White Sox fan first and foremost- something that always gets you extra points around these parts.
8. Barack Obama

When not smoking cigarettes or campaigning to become the next leader of the free world, our favorite Hawaiian-Muslim can be seen cheering on the Bears and White Sox. Would be #1 if he'd man up and make his official campaign slogan 'Bros before Hoes' for the Democratic primaries.

7. William Peterson

If you don't know who William Peterson is, he's the guy wearing the black shirt in this picture who actually looks normal. The rest of these guys make up Chicago's very own Mac, Jurko and Harry radio show on AM1000. Peterson always talks up his Chicago sports and is a die hard Blackhawks follower.

6. Chris Farley

If Farley were still alive, I can't imagine he, or the Superfans, would be very happy with the state of things in the Chicago sports realm today. However, after sustaining at least three heart attacks immediately after consuming 26 polish sausages, Farley just may let it go.

5. Eddie Vedder

When not coming to the realization that his band no longer really matters, Vedder can be found wandering the halls of Wrigley Field. As a Cubs fan, it's not hard to come up with material filled with angst and depression. I'm surprised Heath Ledger wasn't a Cubs fan.

4. George Wendt

In a certain town, there's a certain man who started a certain television show about the greatest teams that reside in Chicago. Wendt (right) was the host of the Superfans as Bill Swerski; a moderator that was always prepared with the most obvious hypothetical questions. "Now, did God create Da Bears, and make them superior to all teams? Or is he simply a huge fan, and Ditka made them superior to all other teams? "

3. John Cusack

Being a Cubs fan must be like standing outside in the rain for 100 years, a feeling Cusak should know well. While he bleeds Cubbie blue, Cusak earned rave reviews for his portrayal of former White Sox pitcher Buck Weaver in the 1988 film 'Eight Men Out'.
ed. note - Finding a picture of Cusack in Cubs gear was nearly impossible. You find something and we'll post it.

2. Jim Belushi

One of Chicago's most outspoken fans, Belushi is the guy most television networks think of when trying to kill time in the booth with a celebrity during a game involving one of our teams. Bears games on MNF always feature a Belushi cameo and his show According to Jim is set in Chicago.

1. Bill Murray

Does anyone scream Chicago louder than Bill Murray?
You can find Murray out at Cubs games, cheering for the Illini and cursing at Bears games on a consistent basis. We're proud to say that he's our number one fan.

Honorable Mention: Billy Corgan, Jeremy Piven, Hugh Hefner, Mayor Daley and Gary Sinise.

Top Ten Chicago Rivals

You hate them, we hate them and Chicago hates them. Enjoy.

10. James Posey

Bulls fans are well aware of what kind of cheap shot artist Posey can be. He sideswiped Kirk Hinrich in Game 3 of the 2006 NBA Playoffs, broke Tyrus Thomas' nose with a well-aimed elbow in the 2006-2007 season opener and choke slammed Luol Deng only a few months later.
I hate you James Posey.

9. Bill Laimbeer - Detroit Pistons (1981-1994)

In my lifetime, there has never been an individual I've wanted to cause more physical harm to than Laimbeer. An early proponent of the flop, Laimbeer used every dirty trick in the book to try and slow down the Bulls teams in the 90's. He basically invented the 'Jordan Rules' and is deserving of a couple shots to the head with a tire iron.

8. Pat Williams, Minnesota Vikings

"You all want to bump the guy up," Williams said. "(Olin) Kreutz, he ain't nothing but a joke. He's been nothing but a joke since he came into the league. I've never respected the guy."

--Pat Williams
Minneapolis Star Tribune in 2005

Listen you fat bastard. You're talking about my guy all wrong here. It's the wrong tone. Stick with your buckets of Crisco and fists of butter before you start running your mouth about Kreutz. My man's a six-time Pro Bowler while your greatest achievement is finishing an Ol' 76-er on vacation with your parents in The Great Outdoors. We can actually hear you getting fatter.

7. Tony LaRussa - St. Louis Cardinals

So how does a guy that played for the Chicago Cubs and managed the Chicago White Sox end up on this list?
As manager of the Cubs' most hated rival St. Louis Cardinals, LaRussa has become the target of Cubbie ire and probably wears his trademark shades to block the spit from the drunken degenerates in Wrigley. Either that or he's too hungover to see straight.

6. Charles Martin - Green Bay Packers (1984-1987)


This no talent, ass-clown is the man responsible for single-handedly ruining the Bears 1986 season. Before the game in '86, Martin was seen wearing a towel with a 'hitlist' made up of Bears players. After McMahon had thrown an interception and the play had been blown dead, Martin grabbed him from behind and viciously body-slammed him into the ground. He passed away in 2005 and I can't wait for the day when I can spit on his grave.

5. Torii Hunter - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Poor little Jamie Burke. That's him getting absolutely destroyed by Torii Hunter in a game against the Twins in 2004. Hunter ended both Burke's and the White Sox '04 season with that hit. Just this past year, Hunter spurned the Sox in free agency and chose to take the money and run to Los Angeles. Torri, have you seen what White Sox fans are capable of?
Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

4. Isaiah Thomas - Detroit Pistons (1981-1994)

The leader of 'The Bad Boy' Pistons in the early nineties, Thomas and the Bulls' Michael Jordan absolutely despised one another and the city took notice. Thomas allegedly froze Jordan out of the 1985 All-Star Game and in return, Jordan chose the offensive firepower of a young Christian Laettner over Thomas for a spot on the 1992 Olympic Dream Team. The biggest slap in the face occurred when Thomas and his Pistons walked off the court with 7.9 seconds remaining in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals, refusing to shake hands with the Bulls.

3. John Starks - New York Knicks (1990-1998)

Starks stood for everything that Chicago hated during those epic playoff battles against the Knicks in the '90s. He was brash, outspoken and physical on the court and Bulls fans wanted nothing more than for Jordan to posterize the little guy and do the 'Nuts All Over Your Face Dance' while standing over him.

2. Reggie Miller - Indiana Pacers (1987-2005)

The sharp-shooting Pacer guard was a thorn in Chicago's side for about 18 years before giving up the game. He hit some big time shots against the Bulls but never won a title because Jordan and the Dynasty were killing it during Miller's prime. If you'd like to donate to either the 'Feed Reggie Miller or Cheryl Miller's Sex-Change Operation' funds please contact their representatives in Ethiopia.

1. Brett Favre - Green Bay Packers (1992-present)

Typically, children are off-limits in these posts. However, nothing makes me want to vomit on every single one of their faces more than hearing them sing about Brett Favre. Perhaps we hate him because he's everything we've missed at the quarterback position or perhaps it's because he's basically owned us since becoming the Packers' starter. No matter how you slice it, Brett Favre is the Antichrist of Chicago and Bears fans everywhere pray for the day when he's no longer under center.

Honorable Mentions: Anthony Mason, Kelvin Sampson, Karl Malone, Dan Marino, Bill Self, Albert Pujols, Danny Ferry, Gerald Wilkins and Hugh Douglass.

By Matt Olsen

Top Ten best Bears nicknames

10. Anthony ‘the A-Train’ Thomas

While Thomas earned this nickname at Michigan long before he reached Chicago as a second round draft pick, he fulfilled it admirably early in his career by winning Rookie of the Year in 2001. I feel as if a nickname as great as ‘the A-Train’ cannot stop with just one man and should be passed down from generation to generation. Current Chicago athlete most deserving of ‘the A-Train’ moniker: Aramis Ramirez.

9. Gale ‘the Kansas Comet’ Sayers

Coming to the Bears from Kansas University in the same draft as Dick Butkus, Sayers was the most exciting in the proud tradition of Bears running backs. Injuries cut short his remarkable career too soon, but Sayers was honored as the youngest person ever inducted into the Hall of Fame.

8. Jim ‘the Punky QB’ McMahon

On an 85’ Bears team filled with nicknames, perhaps none was as accurate as McMahon’s. From writing Rozelle on his headband to mooning a helicopter at the Super Bowl, McMahon may have been the baddest of the Monsters of the Midway.

7. Charles ‘Peanut’ Tillman

Tillman claims the nickname was given to him in elementary school because of his oblong shaped skull. Those who ever doubt Tillman certainly don’t any more after the Bears top cornerback shaved his trademark dreadlocks near the end of the '07 season.

6. James ‘Big Cat’ Williams

Turnstile right tackle, field goal blocking extrordinaire and all-around large dude, few nicknames fit a person as well as Big Cat fits James Williams. Simply put, James Williams is, indeed, a big cat.

5. ‘Iron’ Mike Ditka

Forged on the grassy fields of his native Pennsylvania, Ditka has embraced the ‘Iron Mike’ moniker and turned it into something of a brand. Sadly, now when I think of ‘Iron Mike’, I only imagine Ditka under the influence of Cialis, something that could jar any little Grabowski.

4. George ‘Papa Bear’ Halas

This nickname almost seems to do Halas no justice because without him, not only would the Bears not exist but possibly the entire NFL.

3. Walter ‘Sweetness’ Payton

Few nicknames truly capture a player and a person like Sweetness did for Payton. He may have never scored a Super Bowl touchdown, but Payton gave Chicago fans almost everything else during his 13-year career. While Dick Butkus (not featured on this list because when your name is ‘Dick Butkus’, who really needs a nickname) may be many Chicagoans favorite Bear, it is Payton that is the most revered. That won’t change anytime soon.

2. Rex ‘the Sex Cannon’ Grossman

When not zipping out frozen throw-gasms for interceptions, our heroic quarterback can be found partaking in some “elbow-deep-in-your-butt gangbanging”. What this all means, I'm not very sure. But Kissing Suzy Kolber’s nickname (image also via KSK) for the embattled Bears QB made him that much more fun to root for. Every time he gets set to unload a patented deep ball (off his back foot, naturally), you know that he's saying ‘Fuck it, I’m going downfield’ to himself.

1. William ‘the Refrigerator’ Perry

‘They call me The Fridge, and I’m the rookie. I may be large, but I’m no dumb cookie.’ Do I even need to add anything else? Didn’t think so.

Honorable mention: 'Iron Head' Craig Heyward, 'Galloping Ghost' Red Grange, ‘Samurai’ Mike Singletary, Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael, Nathan ‘the Interceptor’ Vasher, Devin ‘Anytime’ Hester, Kevin ‘Butthead’ Butler, Raymont ‘the Ultraback’ Harris

Top Ten Specialists

This list is for those who make the most out of the opportunities they have. Many of these guys are/were key contributors to their team's success at one time or another.


10. Craig Hodges- Bulls (1988-1992)

Ok, so the list kind of starts after Craig. However, he and Larry Bird are the only two NBA-ers to win 3-point contests at the All-Star break three different times.(1990-1992)


9. Lee Smith- Cubs (1980-1987)

A closer who didn't truly hit his stride 'til he left the Windy City, Smith is still worthy of a spot. The game's second-most all-time saves leader racked up multiple 30-save seasons, keeping the Cubs "on lock" throughout the 80's.


8. Glen Milbryn- Bears (1998-2000)

Arguably the Bears second greatest return man. He once returned three kicks for touchdowns in one season. (Remember when that was a stellar year? That's like all in a day's work for Devin.)


7. Bobby Jenks- White Sox (2005-Current)

Nothing gave me more of a thrill than watching Ozzie make the hand gestures to the bullpen that he wanted the big fat rookie to come out and seal a 2005 playoff birth in Detroit. It was also he who closed out that World Series, earning two saves in the four games. This Sox closer tied the all-time mark for most consecutive outs last season. He was also shooting for the record of most times getting caught bringing beer on the team bus. That number currently sits at two.

6. Brandon Ayanbadejo- Bears (2005-Current)

When you think special teams you wouldn't normally think of a guy on a coverage team, but if you watch the Bears week in and week out, one can't help but notice big ole' #94 hammering people on just about, literally, EVERY return. I was disappointed to see that neither NFL.com or football-reference.com had stats on him for his special teams abilities, because I'm almost positive he had more tackles on kick and punt returns than Archuleta and Danielle did combined in their starting roles this season.

5. Bobby Thigpen- White Sox (1986-1993)

Ok, I'm sorry fans, but I don't know a whole lot about this guy. In 1990 he set the MLB record for most saves in a season (57) that even 2003 Cy Young winner Eric Gagne did not touch. All I know is that if Gagne only saved 55 games that year, in what I would say was the greatest season I have ever seen out of a reliever (I realize my credibility with closers is ruined since I don't know a thing about Thigpen), and Bobby still had more, that must have been one hell of a season.

4. Patrick Manelly- Bears (1998-Current)

When describing this long snapper, the only thing that comes to mind is "Simply the BEST, Better than all the rest!" No but seriously, I did some research, and this guy has let three punts get blocked in his 10-year tenure in Chicago. THREE!! He owns the record for most consecutive games without a block. The guy is damn near perfect, every time, and makes Brad Maynard look like a better punter than he actually is. I could make an argument for this guy to be a Hall-of-Famer. So Pat, if your reading, shoot us an email.

3. Dennis Rodman- Bulls (1995-1998)

This was initially a questionable person to put on a list, until we researched some numbers and found ourselves in sheer awe. This was a guy who was on the down slope of his career when he arrived in the Second City, but his rebound count was insane. Twice in his three years he averaged 15 rebounds a night, and in 1996-97 he averaged 16. Dennis also brought that intimidation factor every time somebody stepped into the paint, something unmatched by anybody in the League, maybe of all-time. In the 1995-96 season, he even got some MVP votes.

2. Steve Kerr- Bulls (1993-1998)

Steve Kerr just didn't miss. He is a career 45% three-point shooter, 2nd All-time behind Jason Kapono, who will probably fade as he ages. He was the 1996 3-Point competition winner, and the inspiration for kids like me to throw away my jump shot mechanics in order to see who could hit the deepest trey. During the 1996-98 seasons, he was good for about 8 points and 1.5 threes a night, and hair I would have died for. (Insert Barnes joke here.)

1. Devin Hester- Bears (2006-Current)

Was there any doubt Mr. Soulja Boy himself wasn't going to be #1. This list was made FOR him. He's a punt/kick return god and a first-ballot Hall of Famer, as it currently stands today. Maybe no player, definitely no special teamster, is more scouted and analyzed than Devin. No matter who you are a fan of, hearing the phrase "...kicking to the Bears," you know people are tuning in, waiting to see the man with more electricity running through him than anybody on the planet, do what he does best. Now if only he could figure out how to run a fly pattern properly.

Top Ten Chicago-born athletes

Our list of top ten Chicago-born 'math'letes is do out sometime in the spring.



10. Henry Rowengartner

I know what you’re thinking: Thomas Ian Nicholas was so much better in ‘A Kid in King Arthur’s Court.’ Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until next week to see our top ten list of little leaguers who went on to become medieval heroes. Still, Rowengartner sneaks on to this list on the shear merits of making a doctor say “funky butt-loving…”. That was golden.

9. Tim Hardaway
Hardaway's insensitive remarks about homosexuals nearly go him booted off this list before I remembered he was on the cover of NBA Live 98', a totally sweet v-game if there ever was one. Anyways, bigot, schmigot: that killer crossover was tight, yo!

8. Simeon Rice
Our first of three Mount Carmel High grads, Rice starred in the area as both a prep and a collegian. His 16-sack junior season is perhaps the most prolific year ever had by a University of Illinois defender.

7. Coach K

The architect of the least likable college program the world has ever seen, Coach K made his mark in Chicago long before ever receiving his first American Express card. Along the way, he's snatched up some of his hometown's top prep ballers, everyone from Corey Maggette to Jon Scheyer. This season, Krzyzweski once again has Duke near the top of the polls with a 15-1 record. If his team can stay healthy- and it will be difficult with Greg Paulus mysteriously crashing to the floor without contact so often- Coach K may have a shot at his fourth national title.

6. Dwyane Wade
Despite constantly pleading with Charles Barkley to be in his '5'- honestly, who wants Chaz Barkley calling them all the time?- Wade makes the list on the merits of beings one the NBA's best ballers and seemingly being all-around swell dude. Though we do worry for him- as he starts to get older it will be harder to live by his motto of "fall down seven, stand up eight". Just looking out for ya, bro.

5. Quentin Richardson

Before claiming his throne as the NBA's least efficient starter, Richardson was a hometown icon. He led what some believe to be the greatest high school squad in Chicago history-1998 Whitney Young- to a state title and then made his mark at DePaul. After two seasons with the Blue Demons, grabbing more rebounds then anyone thought possible for a 6'4 power forward, Q-Rich departed for the NBA where he was a first round draft pick. Richardson loses points on this list for marrying Brandy but gains points for appearing in Van Wilder and doing that cool fist-head double tap thing with Darius Miles.

4. Isiah Thomas
True Chicagoans continue to give back to their community and Thomas did just that when he forked over two first round draft picks for Eddy Curry's enlarged gut and deteriorating heart. Before reaching his current status as a national punchline, Thomas starred at St. Joseph High and went on to become of the Big Ten's all-time greats at Indiana. Thomas has found himself in all kinds of trouble since- from freezing out MJ to racially insulting Larry Bird to sexually harassing interns- but he'll always be our favorite Bad Boy.

3. Donovon McNabb
In the age of 'roided up athletes, we all know the only performance-enhancer McNabb is on is Chunky Soup. McNabb is the second least intercepted quarterback of all-time, just behind my main man Neil O'Donnell, something that surely makes him appeal to possible trade suitors, like, you know, the Chicago Bears.

2. Chris Chelios
Chelios was the definition of a professional as a member of the Blackhawks, leading them to the Stanley Cup finals and winning the Norris trophy twice. If he ever retires- something we find highly unlikely- don't worry, Chelios will still be in your life. His Cheli's Chili restaurants are like a real life Stan Mikita's Donuts.

1. Dick Butkus
We usually only put players from the last 25-years on these lists, but we had to include Butkus in fear that we would kick all five of our asses simultaneously, or, ever worse, make us watch reruns of 'Hang Time'.

Honorable mention: Red Grange, Derrick Rose, George Mikan, Rodney Harrison, Corey Maggette, Sterling Sharpe, Antoine Walker, Antwaan Randle-El and Curtis Granderson

Top Ten Chicago Athletes We'd Like to Party With

Some will surprise you, others may not. If you don't agree, or we've left someone off, leave a comment.

10. Theo Fleury - Chicago Blackhawks (2002-2003)

Typically we throw Hawks players onto the top ten only to show that we have some semblance of hockey knowledge. However, Mr. Fleury's short stay with the Hawks gave the city a coked-up, alcoholic figure good for the occasional strip club brawl and DUI arrest. Whether or not he actually played any hockey for the Hawks is still up for debate.

9. Harry Caray - Chicago Cubs Broadcaster

The symbol of everything Cubdom, Harry Caray became the unofficial mascot of the drunken hordes found wandering the streets of Wrigleyville every summer. In between mispronouncing names and his famous "Holy Cow" home run call, Caray would be slamming cans of Bud Light and praying for a rain delay with a cute intern bouncing on his lap. I wish Harry was still around today and tried to pronounce Kosuke Fukudome after putting down a twelve-pack.

8. Brian Urlacher - Chicago Bears

The 2005 NFL Defensive Player of the Year has definitely made a name for himself in the Chicago party scene since he was drafted in 2000. Illegitimate children with his late night hookups and an infamous Las Vegas rendezvous with socialite Paris Hilton have given Urlacher more than enough street cred to be apart of this list.

7. Jamar Smith - University of Illinois

After a late night in Champaign with Mr. Jose Cuervo, Smith (right) decided to hop in his ride with teammate Brian Carwell and proceeded to smash into a tree. But the fun didn't stop there. He actually drove the car to his apartment and left it outside with his unconscious teammate stuck in the passenger seat! That's how Jamar Smith rolls. DUI City baby!

6. Bob Probert - Chicago Blackhawks (1994-2002)

The ultimate enforcer and Chicago henchman is one of the city's most celebrated athletes and has become somewhat of an official mascot of Top Ten Chicago Sports. This guy would knock out his grandma if he had to and definitely was known to pound a couple of cold ones and maybe a line or two after going a few rounds with guys like Tie Domi. In 2004, police subdued Probert with taser and stun guns after he allegedly got into an altercation with some drug peddlers on the streets of Ontario. Bob Probert, we salute you.

5. Kyle Farnsworth - Chicago Cubs (1999-2004)

This flame throwing right-hander was a mainstay in even the darkest corners of Chicago's taverns and was even rumored to have a penchant for impregnating almost anything that walked. On a personal note, he spent a weekend sleeping on my buddy's couch and didn't leave until the beer had run dry and had been asked repeatedly to vacate the premises.

4. Chris Duhon - Chicago Bulls

Taking full advantage of such a small amount of fame has served this backup point guard of the Bulls quite well since coming to the Windy City. From Bears games to bars in Wrigleyville, Duhon is always more than happy to show up expecting free drinks and perhaps a place to crash for the night. Hell, he might even give your girl a lap dance as long as she isn't stingy with the tips.

3. Dennis Rodman - Chicago Bulls (1995-1998)

There's not much this man hasn't done in and out of the Chicago city limits. After deciding whether he's man or woman in the morning, Rodman can usually be found in the center of a throng of washed up strippers somewhere in Vegas. Supposedly when he was with the Bulls, Michael Jordan hired someone to make sure Rodman was at practice ever day hungover or not.

2. Michael Jordan - Chicago Bulls (1984-1993, 1995-1998)

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.
Perhaps nobody outside of Charles Barkley and Charles Oakley truly knows how M. Jeff does it when out for a night on the town. But whispers of Jordan dropping tens of thousands of dollars in Atlantic City and rampant claims of his infidelities have only helped to define his legend.

1. Kyle Orton - Chicago Bears


He's the gift that keeps on giving. The K.O. Kid has made a name for himself nationally for his neck-beard binges all across Chicago and even more so in his native state of Iowa. With a bottle of Jack Daniels always within reach, K.O. is without question the most notorious boozer in Chicago and has shown no signs of stopping despite the possibility of starting next season. In the words of Ricky O'Donnell, "It takes a special man to beat MJ in anything and Orton is just that. Well, not special, more drunk I suppose."

Honorable Mentions: Reggie Theus (a.k.a. Rush Street Reggie), Lance Briggs, Rex Grossman, Jalen Rose, Brian Randle, Benny the Bull, Ricky Manning Jr, Richard Dent, Otis Wilson and JamesOn Curry.