Top Ten Players to Watch for the 2009 NFL Draft

10. SS Myron Rolle
Florida State, Junior

A highly regarded prospect coming out of high school, Rolle has NFL size and speed already. Should he bolt after his junior year, he’ll be the top safety prospect in the draft.

9. OT Phil Loadholt
Oklahoma, Senior

Phil Loadholt makes Jeff Otah look like Mike Fontenot. At 6-8, 355, Loadholt is an absolute mountain of a man. Is he quick enough to play left tackle? We’ll see, but they’ll be a top slot reserved for him regardless in the 09 draft.

8. CB Malcolm Jenkins
Ohio State, Senior

Even with Vernon Gholston giving up his senior season to jump early for the NFL’s dollars, Ohio State’s defense is still going to be scary. Jenkins will be a big part of that and should be the top corner in the country.

7. OT Michael Oher
Ole Miss, Senior

The focal point of Michael Lewis’ ‘The Blind Side’, Oher’s story will only get more publicity once the draft approaches. He has prototypical size and athleticism to play left tackle, and should be a top ten selection.

6. RB CJ Spiller
Clemson, Junior

The favorite son of TTCS’s PJ Barnes, Spiller no longer has to split carries next season, now that former running mate James White is off campus. Spiller may be the fastest tailback in the country.

5. WR Michael Crabtree
Texas Tech, RS Sophomore

As a redshirt freshman in Texas Tech’s high octane offense, Crabtree set college football on fire last season. Rivals named him a first team All-American, and at 6-3, he has the type of size NFL scouts covet.

4. LB James Laurinaitis
Ohio State, Senior

Had Laurinaitis come out this season after a stellar junior campaign, it’s possible that the Patriots could have made him, and not Tennessee’s Jerod Mayo, the first linebacker selected in the 08 drat. With most of his teammates returning, Laurinaitis could be poised for a huge senior season.

3. RB Beanie Wells
Ohio State, Junior

What Maurice Clarett should have been. Wells style may remind some of (gulp) Cedric Benson, but it’s hard to argue with the numbers the Buckeyes’ runner has put up in his first two seasons in Columbus.

2. QB Matthew Stafford
Georgia, Junior

We expected Stafford to break out as a sophomore, but Georgia’s breakout season had more to do with it’s superb ground game. Look for Stafford to can control of the offense this season, and possibly make the Bulldogs the countries best team.

1. QB Tim Tebow
Florida, Junior

A lot of people don’t think Tebow can make the transition to an NFL quarterback, but we certainly don’t see why not. He has a cannon for an arm, is very mobile, and is more accurate than people give him credit for.

Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

Now that I am getting old, I have decided to relive the greatest moments of my childhood. My last post was an ode to the Top Ten Tag Teams (1985-90). This week I will give props to the greatest kid athletes in movies…the ones that inspired, the ones that took their teams from shit to legit, the ones that hit puberty before any other kids in town. This is my Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

*editors note: Only one character per movie, otherwise there would be like seven characters from "The Little Giants" and "The Mighty Ducks". Also, by kids I mean not in high school. No Jimmy Chitwood’s on this list.

10. Jarius “G-Baby” Evans – Hardball
“Kofi say, "You a cheatin' bitch.". No wait. Kofi say, "You a motherf - "”(www.boxofficeprophets.com/ hollis/hardball.asp)

G-Baby may not have been the best athlete, but he got shot and that gives him some major street cred. He was shot on the Chicago South Side. Thank God that doesn’t happen anymore. Right?

9. Mathew/Martha – Lady Bugs
“No, he's not a stranger. He's just strange.”
(www.sportsinmovies.com/ soccer/ladybugs.asp)

What is better than a really good girl soccer player? Nothing. Wrong! A really good boy soccer player, playing in the girl’s league. Mathew or Martha played in the girl’s league for coach Chester Lee (even the character that Dangerfield plays sound creepy). He methodically scored goal after goal dodging awkward yet hilarious situations on his way to getting a period for being a bitch.

8. Jaun Morales – “Big Green”
(www.ultimatedisney.com/ biggreen.html)

The only reason I like this movie is because my 80’s comedy icon is in it…Steve Guttenberg (he rocks hard). However, once the group of misfits gets Morales on their team, they can do no wrong.

7. Gian Piero/Massimo – “Kicking and Screaming”
“Prima la carne, prima la carne.”(http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/kickingandscreaming.html)

Once coach Phil Weston got these two Italian soccer saints, his team could not be stopped. Gian Piero and Massimo weaved through the defense like TTCS writer Phil Barnes weaves his way through traffic on his way to McDonalds…unstoppable.

6. Billy Heywood – “Little Big League”
“If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?”

(www.tvguide.com/movies/ little-big-league/129913)

Technically Heywood never played baseball except on the Little League diamond, but the kid made GMing and coaching look so easy that he must make this list. For many Chicago franchises, making the playoffs is a challenge and Heywood took a cellar Twins team within one sick catch by THE Ken Griffey Jr. from going to the playoffs. Here’s to you Heywood and lets hope Pax takes a page from Heywood's grandfather when he makes his coaching decision.


5. Kelly Leak – “The Bad News Bears” (1976)
“There's nice ass at the field, that's why I always hang around it.”(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/category?blogid=22&cat=546&o=60)

This longhaired-motorcycling badass took some twisting of the arm to play ball, but when he did all he did was drop bomb after bomb…a complete stud.


4. Adam Banks – “The Mighty Ducks”
“Do me a favor. Kick some Hawk butt.”(http://yzak.nu/fan/banks/)

This “cake eater” might have been from some richy rich neighborhood but the kid could play. He was the turtleneck wearing tight-ass that Coach Gordon Bombay needed to make the “flying V” a success. Thank God they rezoned the district!

3. Henry Rowengartner – “Rookie of the Year”
“Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!”
(http://hyspace.progressiveboink.com/rowengartner.jpg)

He might be the most annoying character on this list, but Rowengartner was the man and he pitched for the Cubs. He went from his class loser to Cubs Ace in just eight weeks (his arm had to heal properly). From striking out Bonds to the immaculate floater, Rowengartner had it all. Plus he went on later to become the guy from “American Pie.”

2. Spike – “Little Giants”
“Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?” (http://www.childrenofsalem.com/days/kids/briabrit/littlegiants1.jpg)

Can you say steroids? Spike dominated pee-wee football. Listed at 6-2, 200 (numbers may be off), Spike could tear through anything, except an Ice Box, even though he had already carried one on his back earlier in the movie. Basically Spike is everything I want in a son. If I had Spike’s size I would definitely go back to grade school and beat up the bully that picked on fellow TTCS writer Ricky O’Donnell. Maybe he wouldn’t be so mean.

1. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez – “The Sandlot”
“Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand.”
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/5/9750972_2e6fd4096c.jpg)

Benny destroyed all the kids that he played against in the Sandlot. Nobody could match his speed, power and arm strength. He stole bases without conscience and hit home runs like Ruth. Plus, Benny made the Majors and stole home…sick!

Honorable Mentions
Patrick Renna – The fat redheaded kid in “The Sandlot” and “Big Green”
Ice Box and Junior – “Little Giants”
Goldberg and Charlie Conway – “The Mighty Ducks”

Top Ten things these Bears won’t be advertising

These are ten members of the Bears that you will not see selling a particular item.

10. Roberto Garza- Subway Sandwiches

Garza is huge. He is like three Jareds. Robby could single-handedly boost sales every time he walked into his local sandwich shop by ordering the usual; 14 foot-longs.

9. Jerry Angelo- Legal Helpers Bankruptcy



Jerry is so stingy that you would never picture him ever having to type the word “bankruptcy” into his Google search. In recent years he has made Lovie demand a new contract before last season, make Briggs proclaim he will never play in a Bears' uniform again and most recently, make the face of the city, Urlacher, upset because he wants money. I wouldn’t normally say this but just pay him Angelo.

8. Robbie Gould- American Gladiators



You can’t not like Robbie, somebody who has to be a total ladies man. But Rob didn’t get the girls because of his physique. If I got to play him one-on-one in “powerball,” it wouldn’t be close. I would own him. My little sister would own him. Running out in that little red, white and blue spandex suit would be quite a thrill for our new gladiator friend “Gouldylocks.”

7.Brian Urlacher- Trojan Condoms



There are little Brian’s everywhere. I don’t really have any more to say about this, other than he is epitome of womanizer. He makes our fellow writer Zach Martin appear as if he has never made it to first base. Brian Urlacher would be a terrible promoter for Trojan Condoms.

6. Pat McCaskey-American Idol



This is a relatively new joke lingering in the city of Chicago, but when owner Pat McCaskey sang his own rendition of “Edelweiss” to Urlacher, it might have hit a new management low. I almost sent a text message to Fox in hopes of voting him off the show.

5. Lovie Smith- Anger Management Courses



I am not going to lie, Lovie’s kinda lame. Every week we see guys like Belichick, Shanahan and whoever coaches the Raiders screaming their heads off, going nuts and looking remotely intense. Even Bob Babich screams more than he does, but then again, if I ran a defense like he did, I would be going crazy too.

4. Greg Olsen- Male Enhancement



About a year ago, the city got wind of a song created by G-reg and many others that will forever make Olsen a part of ultimate man folklore. While I will not explain what he says about his male part in his rap with “The Seventh Floor Crew,” I would hope some of you get the picture. Olsen does have music talent though, and would surely beat out McCaskey if the two ever went head-to-head in a Disney Star Search.

3. Kyle Orton- O’Doul’s



This kid can’t stay away from the bottle, so why would he advertise for a non-alcoholic beer. While rumor has it his partying has remotely decreased, it wouldn’t cross my mind if he already drinks the “O” to cure a morning hangover.

2. Lance Briggs- Progressive Auto Insurance



See Briggs’ car. See Briggs crash car. See brings flee the scene of his $200,000 Lamborghini, which is now totaled. Ya, not one of the brighter things he has ever done. While no charges were filed, I am sure the first concern was “Oh god, I should have gone with the gecko.”

1. Cedric Benson- Nike Quick



The of Nike’s new commercials begins with a scratchy voice singing “I want my money back,” which would make it incredibly ironic to put Benson in that ad because that’s how the organization is feeling at the moment. Also in the commercial, LT explains that his quick is like french toast. I haven’t the slightest clue what that means but I do know that Benson’s quick would also smell like french toast; if the ingredients to make it included rotten eggs, moldy bread, spoiled milk and a rusty pan. At least his better is better than Garrett Wolfe's better.

Photos Courtesy of:http://www.momentumsportsgroup.com/garza-bears2.jpg, http://www.chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/article.pl?article_id=26924http://www.mascsa.psu.edu/SAAB/thon05/thon05pawprint.htm, http://www.enterprisecharters.com/gallery.htm, http://www.chicagobears.com/news/NewsStory.asp?story_id=2974, http://blogs.chron.com/nfl/2007/02/another_grossman_interception_1.html, http://www.rapclicks.com/Blog/?cat=7, http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1686570, http://arlingtoncardinal.blogharbor.com/blog/NewsFlash/CrashVideo,http://mybearsandblackhawksblog.wordpress.com/2007/08/

Top Ten Sports Moments in South Park

They've probably offended you at one point or another. They've probably forced you to change the channel with their offensive language. But they've also probably made you laugh out loud with their outrageous antics. Nobody is safe from being the target of South Park ridicule and that works just fine for us.

So here are the Top Ten Sports moments in South Park's 12 season run.

(If you're at work, I suggest you turn the volume down just in case.)

10. Guitar Queer-O
Season 11



It's only a small part of this hilarious episode, but the boys take a shot at Denver Broncos QB Jay Cutler that pretty much sums up how most fantasy football GM's feel about him.

9. Cow Days
Season 2



So Cartman loses his memory and thinks he's an Asian prostitute named Ming Lee. The boys take advantage of this and enter him into a bull-riding competition to win a couple of 'Terrence and Phillip" dolls.
Yikes.

8. Eek
Season 12



Cartman uses Bill Belichick and Spygate as the basis for a lesson plan while teaching inner city kids.

7. Wing
Season 9



In an attempt to become agents, the boys sign up Wing as their first client...as a singer. Instead of American Idol, she ends up on 'The Contender'.

6. Kyle's New Look
Season 9



In order to make the Colorado All-State basketball team, Kyle decides to, um, well, make a few changes to his appearance.
(If you're at work, I advise you to keep the volume down on this one)

5. Dodgeball
Season 2



The boys are forced to play dodge-ball in gym class and eventually Chef turns them into a team that travels to the Far East to play International Dodgeball finals.

4. Stanley's Cup
Season 10



A judge orders Stan to become a youth hockey league coach after his bike is impounded for too many parking tickets. Eventually, he promises a kid on the team who has cancer that his teammates would win the big game for him.
Little did they know, that game would be against the Detroit Red Wings.

3. "Asspen"
Season 6



Just listen to the lyrics...."We're gonna need a montage.."

2. Up the Down Steroid
Season 8



The beauty of this show is that they can say the things everyone else is afraid to.
I wonder how McGwire, Bonds and Giambi feel after watching this episode.

1. The Losing Edge
Season 9



This episode has it all. A montage to the music of 'You're the Best Around' - from The Karate Kid - a tribute to every Rocky movie ever made, and if you pay close enough attention, a little bit of Nintendo's RBI Baseball.

Top Ten Draft Prospects the Bears Should Target

10. WR Jordy Nelson
Third round

Owes 40% of his first pro contract to Wes Welker.

9. S DaJuan Morgan
Second-third round


Yeah, so maybe trading Chris Harris wasn’t such a good idea. And Achuleta…I don’t have the energy or the heart to even begin.

8. RB Ray Rice
Second-third round

My buddy saw Rice at a strip club in Toronto the night before he would play his final college game. So there's that.

7. T Jeff Otah
First round

Played under Dave Wannstedt so you know he’s adequately prepared for the pros.

6. WR Mario Manningham
Second-third round

A little slow, a little undersized, Manningham might regret his decision to leave Michigan early if doesn’t get drafted in the first two rounds.

5. QB Brian Brohm
Second round

Brohm was widely regarded as the best the best quarterback his age in the country from his junior year of high school to his junior year of college. Last season wasn’t great for Brohm of his Cardinals, but he’s still an accurate and productive passer.

4. WR Malcolm Kelly
Second round


Kelly is the best of the this year’s thin receiver class, but will likely fall out of the first round because of character issues. Remember, an immoral pass catcher is a productive pass catcher.

3. T-G Brenden Albert
First round

At worst: a Pro Bowl caliber guard.

2. RB Rashard Mendenhall
First round

The hometown kid is like the Anti-CedBen: While Benson carried the ball nearly 1,200 times in college, Shard didn’t even carry it 400 times.

1. T Ryan Clady
First round

It’s likely that Clady won’t fall past the Panthers at pick thirteen, but there’s some sediment that Angelo could trade up to get him.

Top Ten Bulls coaching candidates

With the recent firing or Jim "I say the same thing every press conference" Boylan came a process that we as Bulls fans have been entirely too familiar with: the coaching search. We've seen all walks of life the last decade helm our team. The college coaching prospect (Tim Floyd), the ex-Bull (Bill Cartwright), the drill sargeant coach (Scott Skiles), the ex-Bull 2 (Pete "1 Game" Myers) and finally the career assistant (Jim Boylan). We figured we would compile this list to give Pax a little help, even throwing in five honorable mention names to help him out.




10. Mark Jackson – The former Knicks point guard is one of the most respected color commentators in sport today, and had a solid career with the Knicks. Jackson would be good for players like Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon because he played the guard position well for so long, but his lack of coaching experience hurts him. Plus there’s already rumors he will take the Knicks job after he quit his position at the YES Network. And what if he hires his older brother Troy, AKA Escalade from the And 1 series? Escalade and Joakim Noah would be out partying every night.



9. Dwane Casey – The former T-Wolves head man lasted merely a yeah and a half as a head coach, but has a respectable track record having coached under George Karl and Nate McMillan. He also had absolutely nothing to work with in Minnesota besides KG and could be okay in the right situation. Unfortunately I don’t see the Bulls being the right situation.
(Editor's Note*** Points were deducted from Mr. Casey because his name is spelled a weird way. We have a work colleague who hates it when people have uncommon names, so this one is for him. IF Dwane had a Y in his name as he should, he could have easily been #6 on this list. Tough luck Dwane... Hope you get some parents who are more adept at naming kids in the next life. )



8. Larry Brown – Everyone knows what Larry Brown has done and he does a tremendous job rebuilding teams and teaching players how to play the game (something Pax has emphasized in the coaching search) but he skips town so often its ridiculous. This guy is like the “deadbeat Dad” of coaching. He's been a coach at 12 different places. You remember Davidson, the tiny liberal arts college with Stephon Curry? Yeah Larry Brown actually was a coach there, for ONE SUMMER! That was his first head job, a sign of things to come.



7. Doug Collins – To his credit, Doug Collins is an above .500 career coach. But he’s probably better destined to be a color commentator than a coach. This guy rode Michael Jordan’s coattails worse than Juanita. Two of his three head jobs were because of Michael, and most of wins as well. I mean why are all of these color commentators getting interest for coaching and GM jobs? I don’t remember Matt Guokas getting this kind of love, and that guy was the man!



6. Jeff Van Gundy – Another color guy (sense a theme here) who is a former coach of the Knicks and Rockets, Van Gundy sounds great in the booth but is nothing more than an arm-chair coach. Jeff, if all of your “perfect advice” on situations worked so well than why is it your team filled with superstars have seasons filled with disappointment. Sorry for going all Jim Rome there, but it’s the truth.



5. Tom Thibodeau – Finally a coach! Thibodeau has been an NBA assistant for 18 years, most recently as the Associate Coach of the Celtics (side note: what the hell is the point of an Associate Coach compared to that of a normal assistant? What Tom gets to take over automatically if Doc gets thrown out? Or Tom gets to run practice when Doc goes to watch his son play at Georgetown while he loses me money on my NCAA pool? Sweet gig…) But back to Tom, it’s a bit alarming that he’s been an assistant for so long without a shot at a head job. To quote Human Giant, “IF it was going to happen to YOU, it would have happened BY NOW,” or in other words, the Jim Boylan principal.



4. Michael Curry – The Pistons assistant was an underrated NBA player who played great defense and was a floor general. He was also the leader of the Players Union, making him a respected figure in NBA circles. He’s only been a coach for a little while, but I would rather take a shot on a guy like Curry who has upside, than Thibodeau. Curry might not be the “sexiest hire” like the next three I will unveil, (and wait til you see the sexy photo of contestant number 3!) but he might be a good one.



3. Avery Johnson – Now obviously this is based on another first round exit from the Mavericks (which is entirely feasible), but Avery has shown he can coach. He’s criticized often for “over coaching” but a young (and dumb) Bulls team could use a guy who isn’t afraid to lead a team without constantly screaming at them. Avery is an unlikely hire, but you never know.



2. Paul Westphal – Westphal’s career is best described as “up-and-down” but I would like a guy like him to run the Bulls. Paul’s 1993 Suns team came very close to beating the Bulls, and he has a lot of experience dealing with all sorts of players with all sorts of issues. I mean the guy had to deal with Charles Barkley, the great womanizer that is Dan Majerle, the underage girl seeking Kevin Johnson, the human hamburger machine Oliver Miller and the coke head Richard Dumas and led them to the league’s best record. He’s got me sold.



1. Rick Carlisle – I’ve always liked the way Carlisle’s teams have played, and feel he ran into a lot of bad luck in Indiana. The former Pistons coach led them to back-to-back 50-32 seasons and has to be credited for bringing them back to relevance before he was fired in favor of Larry Brown. After joining the Pacers, Carlisle dealt with the Artest saga, tons of injuries and a total wimp of a star player (Jermaine O’Neal) and still rallied the Pacers to a six seed. Then he was once again forced to deal with an underachieving bunch of lunatics that didn’t suit him at all. I think for Carlisle’s track record he has to be priority number one.

Honorable mention:
Mike Breen – Candidate # 876 – Hell, the guy is on an announcing crew with two guys on this list, the had to have shown him a couple of useful inbounds plays or something.
Scottie Pippen – Candidate #15 – Ex-Bull, has wanted to get into coaching and is good with farming subsidies, but sucks at tipping.
Mike Fratello – Candidate #11 – "The Czar" has been decimated by MJ so many times that the United Center opening video of a Bulls stampede is his regular nightmare.
Tim Donaghy – Candidate #445 – Has good connections, knows how to win a game (for someone).
Isiah Thomas – Candidate #4,683,385,395 – He is good with women…. And managing teams… and handling the media….


To see Scott Phillips' ideal candidate click here